by KRISTIAN GRAVENOR

If I look particularly grumpy in the picture of me at the top of this column this week, here are some possible reasons why.

Quebec's provincial broadcaster embarrassment Let's compare Quebec's provincially-funded TV broadcaster to Ontario's. For $48-million a year, Ontario operates the excellent TVO in English as well as the all-French TFO. Quebec offers us Télé-Québec, which, at $60- to $75-million, costs roughly 50 per cent more than both of Ontario's operations combined. TVO's programs are also better, or I assume they are anyway. In all my years I've never been able to sit through a program on Télé-Québec. While TVO offers helpful and professional staffers to help out with questions, try getting somebody intelligent on the blower at Télé-Québec - you feel like you're looking for your Swatch in a Chicoutimi chicken coop. Plus, in Ontario they respect their language minority: Ontario's half-million francophones represent five per cent of the province's population whereas Quebec's 600,000 anglos (a conservative estimate) are, percentage-wise, twice as big a group as Ontario's francos. Yet Quebec anglos don't get a network - we don't even get a single minute of programming for our tax bucks. I assume the logic is that we can just watch Toronto-based programming, but that's a fate worse than hell. Time to rehaul Télé-Québec. Mario Dumont proposed axing it and giving its budget to Quebecers to provide stuff on the Internet. Maybe that's a solution.

Diamonds Diamonds are a useless, detestable and vulgar form of conspicuous consumption and those who are planning to waste their cash on the glassy rocks should reconsider. It's well known that the exorbitant price of these rocks is unnaturally hiked up by a highly organized cartel, and that consumers have been seduced into buying these pet rocks by a slick marketing ploy that sees the industry bribe starlets (starting with Marilyn Monroe) to wear diamonds at such events like the Academy Awards. Glamour aside, diamond mining makes the fur industry - which actually serves a function - look like an episode of Caillou. Much of the world's diamond supply has caused a murderous orgy of greed. Reports also suggest that diamonds are a terrible long-term investment. So guys, if you feel pressured to buy a diamond for your woman - sacrificing two months' salary, as the ad says - think twice. If you've got too much cash, give it to an adult literacy program or some other charity. Stand up and say no to diamonds. Virtue shines brighter than any glassy rock.

Insurance I never could figure out life insurance, specifically the part where people get money for you dying. I mean, firstly, you're not going to get hit by a giant anvil falling from a cliff. Lightning won't hit you. I promise. Yet once you sign on, you have no choice but to subconsciously welcome the Grim Reaper. Deep down you begin knowing that your death would be like winning the 6-49 for those around you. You realize that you're worth more dead than alive and start wandering around construction sites and using your cell phone at gas pumps. Sure, they'll be crying crocodile tears at your funeral, but deep down they'll feel like they hit the jackpot when you finally shuffle off the mortal coil.

$7 daycare I'm no fan of our tax system, the biggest outrage of which sees hard work punished while privilege gets indulged. Unlike almost every other advanced country, we tax income but not inheritances. I also find it depressing that childless and/or poor people have to pay for daycare for the rich. When the Charest Liberals decided to scrap $5 daycare, they decided to allow rich people to continue getting the same cheapie service that costs the government upwards of $40 a day. The officials reasoned that it would be too complicated to organize a system that sees the rich pay a higher fee. Next they'll announce that they won't tax the rich anymore because it poops the taxman out to walk up all those stairs at the mansion.

Comments? kgravy@openface.ca