M This is Dr. Bigfinger from Stugotz. I'm coming in defence of the Dropouts - I don't think their demo is shitty at all, and I don't know what the fuck "kindergarten punk" is. Let's just say that they're a tight band and they're doing more than most shitty bands in this city do. I did a couple gigs with those guys and I had a lot of fun. They show up with HOT FUCKING BABES at their shows and they kick ass. They rock. They're loud. Just because they're young doesn't mean they're kindergarten punk. [BLEEP!]

M If I meet one more goddamn lead guitarist with an EGO, I swear I am going to do something rash. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I'm from Ottawa and, it's really weird, but Ottawa has a live reggae night every week. Does Montreal has the same shit? I've been living here for four years now and I haven't seen shit. All right. peace. [BLEEP!]

M So, my friend is a 60-year-old man and he's often on the street and he's a kind fellow. But he just got an $85 ticket for URINATING in public. So this rant is brought to you by the letter P, which stands for police arresting people for pissing, pot, prostitution and protest and it's pathetic - oh, I can't think of any more P's. So, please, Mr. Policeman, stop arresting us for P. [BLEEP!]

M Hey y'all, this is in response to that rant from Fats the nerd. Yo, chump, I really hope you read this. Who are you to criticize the MTL graf scene like you know shit? I've never seen your shit around, not even a tag written on the concrete with your piss. But I gotta agree, now that your name is in the newspaper, you're a real baller, aren't ya? Poor nostalgic ball-sucking kid. You're just jealous because you never managed to bust a decent tag, either because you were too scared or because you never put as much focus into it as you do when you tell us about your dick size. But you're still a kid apparently - it's time to get out of the closet. Or keep on saying nonsense shit, you dumb piece of junk. It'll make us feel good about not being the nerd you are. Damn, son. [BLEEP!]

M Yo, guys, this is Fats. You guys, like, printed my rant last week and shit, but the way it was printed it made me sound completely wrong. It sounded like I'm dissing HYH but, straight out, I'm not. What I'm saying is that the style of graffiti that HYH is putting out, other people wanna emulate. Everybody wants their graffiti to look like theirs and, therefore, everybody's graffiti looks the same because everybody's trying to emulate the perfect fake style. Dropping his bomb backwards and upside down, I have no respect for that life. It sounds like I'm starting beef and that's not cool. Whatever, I'm sure that there's gonna be beef SPIT-UP on the page so put that down and that's what I gotta say so peace. [BLEEP!]

M I know you all wish you could hear some rants about the music scene and, in a way, this is about the music scene. This is about every scene. This is about MONEY and the fact that I've got so little of it and the fact that there are so many morons out there spending so much of it for absolutely no reason. I mean, I work hard, I have bills to pay, I've got debts for one reason or another - none of them stupid - but then I hear things like P. Diddy and Kid Rock spitting out $10,000 bets on the Super Bowl. All right, that's cool, you guys got money to throw around. But when I hear that shit on TV and I'm sitting here in my Verdun apartment and I know the next-door neighbours don't have food to give to their kids and I'd love to give them food but I don't have any of my own, that sounds wrong. And I'm thinking about how many other places in the world are like it is here in Verdun. Man, that TV show went out to 280 countries and these guys are talking about this $10,000 bet? Who gives a shit? 10,000 bucks for a lot of people around here, that's the difference between LIFE AND DEATH. [BLEEP!]

M So the other day I walked into my friendly neighbourhood Blockbuster and tried to find a movie made in Quebec and found that Québécois movies are in the foreign movie section. I found that somewhat peculiar. On one hand, you might think it's congratulatory since foreign movies are somewhat more complex than what you get from Hollywood but, on the other hand, what the fuck? We're still in Quebec as far as I can tell. [BLEEP!]

M If you walk on de Maisonneuve between Fort and Chomedey, you can count 43 different piles of DOG SHIT - all within that one-block radius. I can't wait for the summer to come. Everyone walking down that road is gonna smell dog shit for weeks and weeks to come. Thank-you, Montreal, you're great. Bye. [BLEEP!]

Next issue: Open forum