by SCOTT C

I want a landscaping job. Those of you who know me will happily remember that I have never seen the inside of a gym, never taken a pilates class and have no intentions of doing yoga in a room at 101 degrees. I do however, secretly fantasize about becoming a landscaping machine. It's the only job I've ever done in my life where I actually got paid to get in shape. The people at Sheridan Nurseries had me digging up all kinds of backyards and boulevards, and actually trusted me to drive the feisty, propane-powered forklift around the compound. I planted tulips, birch trees, garden gnomes, mini-ponds, fences, flagpoles and decks on the regular, and probably haven't been in shape since then. Not that I don't respect the hunchback I've become, sitting at the computer for all eternity, I just need to get outside and shift some big rocks now and then. Lemme know if there's room on the back of your truck, and I'll be there in a flash. But first, I've got to play some records.

This Friday, March 12, I'll be joining the Kalmunity gang and a helpful group of live performers at a benefit for Books to Prisoners. This organization receives letters from prisoners requesting everything from dictionaries and legal texts to books on health, nutrition, sex, history, philosophy and much more. This do goes down at the new El Salon, located at 4388 St. Laurent, and will cost you a modest $5 at the door.

Montreal's Black Theatre Workshop imports a black cultural heavy this month in the form of Reg E. Gaines. The two-time Tony Award and Grammy nominated poet is trying to bridge the gap between contemporary poetry and the dramatic arts with a workshop at the BTW on Saturday, March 20, at 4 p.m. Workshop participants bring their own work to be read aloud, which are then recreated and intertwined to create poetic collages and dramatic monologues. The BTW is located at 3680 Jeanne-Mance on the 4th floor, and space for the workshop is limited, so call 932-1104 #224 to reserve a spot.

If you don't have any plans for St. Paddy's, or if you plan on drinking in the street all day long, you might want to check out local hip hop group Typecast who'll be opening for Kokoro at le Swimming on March 17.

Apparently the advance tickets for the Ninja Tune ZENtertainment Tour show at SAT on Friday, March 19, are long gone. Surprised? Those of you who didn't buy already will have to elbow at the door for the remaining tix to see Amon Tobin, Kid Koala, Blockhead, Bonobo and Sixtoo all on the same bill.

Seven reasons you should be knitting the hookus:
1. Moonstarr "Slacker 2004" (CD-R)
2. Hu Vibrational Beautiful (Soul Jazz)
3. Slangblossom Convulsions (Arbor)
4. John Beltran In Full Color (Ubiquity)
5. Amp Fiddler "You Played Me" (Genuine)
6. Francisco Aquabella Ochimini (Ubiquity)
7. Jay-Z "99 Problems" Paul Nice remix (Unofficial)

Y'all are brutalizin' me... fathead@videotron.ca

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