M This is in response to the Arcade Fire comments of last week. Well, from someone who has seen the band opening for Hawksley Workman a couple of months ago, I must say these guys give Montreal music a bad name. A pretentious singer who gave his audience shit for not paying attention to the noise that was being EMANATED from the stage. People were not smiling at the concert, people were trying to compose themselves so as to not leave and have to miss out on a great artist like Hawksley Workman. Arcade Fire can suck rhino testicles. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, my name is Sebastien, I'm the drummer from Manic Manon and the Guest List. I want to rant back to Mr. Ryan from Judgemental there who says that I'm a sexy bitch. Man, you got it right, I am a sexy bitch. Next I want to mention my three favourite bands in the city, man. First is les Prostiputes. They're a kick-ass rock 'n' roll motherfucker. Next is the Evil Boys. And, also, I like Judgemental, I guess, because they're real kids who just don't give a fuck and they just fucking kick it. All right, see ya. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, Jack White, here's a little bit of advice, man. Next time beat the fucking crap out of the whole band, the Von Bondies. They suck! That was the worst show I've even been to and, on top of that, there was one band member missing and they still charged me $16.50. Rip off! I hate the Von Bondies! [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is for the guy with the high IQ saying how great it was that Eminem and Outkast were winning Grammys. Real lyricists, real artists? Well, gee, I guess this guy has studied a lot of music. They've never written anything and literally are people who somehow channel the work of producers and other people. They are mere representations, PLASTIC FIGURES of what was once and is no longer. So maybe you could do some research or read a good book instead of giving such an opinion. [BLEEP!]

M Yo, this is FATS. Officially. I would just like to say that the graffiti scene in Montreal can suck my balls. Why? Because of the simple fact that every single writer is officially bucking some kind of pre-conformed garbage. Everybody is writing exactly the same thing on walls. Like Loes, Shok and ikOn and all of these people in HYH, they're all writing the same style and every other writer that hits the stage or hits a wall, it's all the same style! And everybody always thinks that that one style is ill. And that one style is what it's supposed to be but, me, I want to say to everybody in Montreal, you can all go fuck yourselves. Because why? Because I'm still gonna put up my whack-ass graffiti on fucking everything and if you guys think you're fucking ill, then go fuck yourselves because my dick is bigger than yours and I've done more crime and more time than you can even believe so, at that point, whatever. [BLEEP!]

F About that welfare rant, honestly, I really believe that the best way to take care of these welfare people - and there's quite a few of them in Montreal, quite a few living in the Plateau area - is to go ahead and REPORT them. It's very easy to do - just call the general number for welfare and they'll take a report so fast and get these people. Report them! If they're sitting on their balconies smoking joints and you have to get up in the morning and go to work, while these people sit on their asses all day or maybe have a little job on the side, getting cash money, then call up welfare! Let's get rid of them! We pay enough taxes so why should we pay for their lazy asses? I just want to get the word out there. You'll actually get a GOOD FEELING from reporting them because they have no reason to be on welfare. [BLEEP!]

M How the fuck do you expect someone on welfare to buy KEGGED BEER? Seriously, when rent is 300 bucks a month and then you only get, like, 500 bucks, how can you afford to buy a keg and, like, live? The phone's another fucking $50, hydro in winter's at least $100 and you get like $50 dollars for food. Where do you see a keg in that, buddy!? [BLEEP!]

F Okay, buddy, those people on welfare, they may be having a cigarette or joint in the morning on their balcony but they are not having a keg. Have you ever tried to get a keg in Quebec? It's fucking hard. You can't find one in many places. You have to go and steal one from Blue Dog or something. And if you're on welfare, it's especially hard. You aren't going to be finding no keg because you probably don't have a car and you most likely be required to steal that keg from Blue Dog. So, yeah, no keg action for the welfare folk. Peace. [BLEEP!]

Next issue: Open forum