Dear Sasha: For the past several years, my wife and I have been playing with my asshole. It started innocently enough with the tip of one of her vibrators during a blowjob, and we have since progressed to fisting and strap-ons. On a good day, she can get four fingers in past the knuckles and regularly fucks me with her strap-on. She can bury her eight-inch long, five-and-a-half-inch circumference dildo without too much problem and make me come without ever touching my cock. We would love for her to be able to fist me up to her wrist or fuck me with her larger dildo that's eight inches long but six-and-a-half inches in circumference. Sasha, that extra inch is a killer.

Our lube of choice is Crisco and plenty of it. It melts and becomes more slippery with body heat. It seems that when we try full fisting including her thumb or she wears her larger cock she can get in just so far, but then hits the wall. We've tried pressing fairly hard but no go. I know we shouldn't compare ourselves to porn stars but we've seen some videos of guys taking some pretty incredible things - including three fists!

Is there some secret that we are missing? Am I just not built that way? Or do I just have to bear down more? I don't really want to end up in the ER, but this would be a huge turn-on for both of us. Also could you give us an opinion on whether a product called Anal-eze would be any help. » Bendover Boy (and Dominant Wife)

Dear Ben,
I've always been told that products designed to numb the anus are a bad idea because they misrepresent your limits, you get cocky, and that's precisely how you end up in the emergency room holding your sphincter in one hand and a coat rack in the other. However, if you read what is considered the Bible of fisting (and you should), called Trust: The Handbook by Bert Herrman, he actually suggests, with caveats, some products containing benzocaine which existed before companies actually started creating them specifically for anal sex. Trust is available at Venez Tels Quels (5427 St-Laurent).

None of the information I have about anal fisting, including Trust, has any specific suggestions which would produce a miraculous outcome in your case - all that anyone ever says is that patience is the number one virtue, and you seem to be applying that very well. According to all sources, every person's anal anatomy is capable of taking a fist, though it really does require some near religious conviction grasping this when someone's got theirs halfway up yours.

Dear Sasha: I've been married for a few years. Problem is, I've completely lost my sexual interest in my husband! So I'm having an affair with a friend of both of ours. We got together more than once, and that's taking care of my sexual needs and desires. My husband is none the wiser and our relationship remains the same - our main problem is the sex. Now I'm wondering if it's possible to continue having my cake and eating it too? The man I'm having the affair with is the most gorgeous person and I don't want to give it up. » Miss Cake

Dear Cake,
Speaking of fists, your lover sure is going to look gorgeous with your hubby's up his nose. Do we secretly fuck mutual friends when our relationship is suddenly suffering? In novels set in quasi-academic New England communities, perhaps, but in real life we try to remember how painful this kind of deception can be. I don't know what happens to some people when they start having affairs but they seem to lose every ounce of compassion and pragmatism left in their bodies. It's like they are deranged with the sudden power that comes with being a horny, self-indulgent, renegade jackass. And speaking of trust, you have officially fucked yourself in this department, possibly forever. Guess who you are now? A freakish combination of a John Updike and Jerry Springer character. Lady, you're on your own with this one!

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