F Okay, if you haven't seen the Arcade Fire perform yet, you are really missing out on something - one of the most awesome live shows I've seen to date. Although I could really do without the pretentious indie kids and their urban print tees and GREASY HAIRCUTS. Quoting Sartre and wearing thicker glasses does not lend credence to your pathetic teen angst. And playing it cool by not reacting to an incredible live show is just sad. I caught you trying not to smile. Don't be afraid, it's not gonna kill you. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, this is Mikey from the Dropouts again. Yeah, I love Screeching Weasel, the Ramones, the Dictators and shit like that and I'd be thrilled - the whole band would be thrilled - to be grouped into that category. But we just don't play that kind of music! That's not what we do. All right, come see the Dropouts. [BLEEP!]

M Okay, Dropouts, you're upset because you were called pop punk. Well, I'll summarize what you guys are. I've seen you play, I've heard your shitty demo - they're constantly playing it at Foufounes because the singer is one of the DJs there. Anyway, this is what the Dropouts are: kindergarten punk. That's it. You're a bunch of babies, man. Fine, now that I've made that clear for you, get on with your lives. [BLEEP!]

M This is for Robin and Ryan of Judgemental. It's KRS, better known as Montreal's Great White Hope. I know you guys, you know me. You guys need to stop talking shit about DJs and turntablism and electronic music. You don't know anything about it. What those guys can do with turntables, you guys can't do with guitars. They can't do that shit you guys do with guitars, but they can do some wicked fucking shit with turntables. Electronic music has a lot more to offer than what you think. Trust me on that. [BLEEP!]

F Hey Robin. Shut up. [BLEEP!]

M This is for Scott C who writes the "Incubator" column in the Mirror. Yes, the music industry is CORRUPT and yes, the Grammys are a commercial music awards show. But getting worse every year? You can't be serious. Do you remember when hip hop was represented at the Grammys by Tone Loc, MC Hammer and Young MC? Now Lauren Hill, Eminem and OutKast are being nominated and winning album of the year overall. Real lyricists, real artists. Prince and Beyonce opening up, Big Boi and Sleepy Brown with Earth, Wind and Fire and Parliament funk? Sting, performing with Sean Paul? Andre 3000 closing the show? The Neptunes winning producer of the year overall? Sometimes you just have to accept things for what they are and take what's good from them. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is to the dude who was asking if 2Live Crew came to Montreal. Well, yeah, they were in Montreal. They were at Ronnie's Club in Pointe Claire and they put on a heavy show. They had the same thing with the strippers and the spanking and you know what else. It was a private party with only guest invitations and it was with the IRISH MOB. That's all I can say. [BLEEP!]

F Hi, this is '80s Lady. I'm just so excited about seeing somebody talking about 2Live Crew again. Who can forget their seminal hit, "Me So Horny?" I'll never forget when someone told me "love you long time, me love you long time" - it was so fabulous. Anyway, I wanna know what happened to Andrew Ridgely? Why hasn't he been in Montreal? Just wondering. Thanks. [BLEEP!]

M Montreal and Quebec are among the cheapest places to live in North America because there aren't that many jobs, people don't wanna work here and the salaries aren't as high. So that just means that Montreal is not a place for GREEDY motherfucking bastards and bitches. Thank god! Let them go somewhere else, we don't need them anyway. It's okay, we have less money, but it makes the environment a whole lot better. Socially, it's a much better place than anywhere else in North America. [BLEEP!]

M Why doesn't the government force these people on WELFARE and social assistance to do something? Why should I as a taxpayer pay these lazy people to stay home and do nothing? While I'm getting up to go to work in the morning, they're on their balconies having a cigarette, smoking a joint, or having a KEG of beer and waiting for their monthly cheque. I'm trying to figure out why the government doesn't start cracking down on these people. I mean, cutting welfare down just $100 a month is ridiculous. How much a month are we paying to these people overall?! It's money that could certainly be better spent on health care or bringing down the debt or something like that. So Charest, get off your ass and do something! [BLEEP!]

M But, how, how, how do we energize our meat?! [BLEEP!]

M Yes, concerning last week's rant about energizing meat. Hell, my meat gets energized every night looking at the internet. Know what I mean? [BLEEP!]

Next issue: Open forum