Drunkocracy: Guinness, the beer company, is campaigning to make Saint Patrick's Day a statutory holiday in Canada. Now, we all know it's a shill campaign to move more beer, but who cares. Besides, it's already on the books in Newfoundland, so there's a legal precedent. As part of its campaign, Guinness is electing a Minister of Good Times to represent Canadians. As Montrealers, we ought to throw our support behind the only local candidate, Christina Marie Phelps, who in addition to being from here, has the added advantage of not being from Calgary or the GTA. Participate in fake democracy at www.guinnessvote.ca.

Grand slam: Project: Denny's is an obsessive survey that will see its participants visit every Denny's restaurant in the 48 contiguous United States, providing they don't die of congestive heart failure first. Among its criteria: getting free stuff and discovering employee resemblance to "Weird Al" Yankovic. Find out which Denny's serves kimchee at www.p7a77.net/dennys/.

Comments? Michael Citrome