Dear Sasha: I'm 23 years old and I've been sexually liberated (i.e. masturbating) for about four years now. I've got a few toys, and a little storehouse of porn. I'm no authority, but I feel pretty comfortable with sex stuff.

I've also got a younger friend who sort of looks up to me for advice. She recently got into a spat with her boyfriend over some porn she discovered. Initially, he lied to her about what was on the tape, and she had to find out herself by sneaking back into his room to scope it out. She claims it's the lie she's most upset about, but whenever she talks about it she can't stop raving about how "disgusting" porn is and how it devalues her as a woman. I tried a dozen ways of talking to her about it, trying to diffuse her anger. I reminded her about the e-mail she forwarded me featuring some scantily-clad firemen. I asked her what she thought the BF would think if he knew she was looking at stuff like that. It kind of tripped her up, so I told her that it didn't matter. "It's just for fun, right?" I said. "And besides, it's nobody's business." But I don't think she really understood the parallel.

How can I inaugurate her into the world of sexual liberation and self-awareness without her bringing this stigma of "dirtiness" along for the ride? » Who's Afraid of Porno?

Dear Who's Afraid,
I sure as hell was when I was around 20 years old. Lord, the shit I gave my poor boyfriend when I found a spank mag under his bed (which I then surreptitiously flipped through, cunt on fire).

First of all, let's not kid ourselves. It's not just the lie that upsets us, but the combination of the lie and the fact that someone's sexuality can endure independent of us. A lot of us come from the school, to quote Sean Young's character Rachel in Blade Runner, of "I should be enough for him." Rachel was, of course, a replicant.

The "I should be enough for him" philosophy is very damaging to people's self-esteem and self-expectation, especially when mingled with the smothering hypocrisy of "He's not enough for me." We stifle our own independent desires when we stifle those of our partners. It is getting out of this cycle that is the challenge.

Rather than whipping dildos at your pupil's head, perhaps I can recommend some books written from the female perspective on the topic of pornography and sexuality? Here are two: Talk Dirty to Me by Sally Tisdale, and XXX: a Woman's Right to Pornography by Wendy McElroy.

HOT WAX MAKES TOP 10

After I answered a letter about hot wax play last week [Feb. 12], I got a little curious about the wax people use to groom their bikini lines and legs. Hmmm… how would that feel dribbled on the ass cheeks and other delicate areas, then ripped off? Kind of a reverse spanking. Delicious!

So I purchased an Andrea Warm Wax Kit, called up the Test Buttocks, threw on Foreigner's Greatest Hits, and away I went.

Three hours later: okay seriously you guys, best game ever. I don't like to qualify things this way, but I am going to put this in my top 10 sex experiences of all time. Not only is the hot wax dripping part of this exciting (excellent control with the small spatulas, and the wax is a beautiful teal green that goes pearly when it dries), but the tearing is apparently, for those who like this kind of pain, perfection. Tips: put the pot of hot wax on a plate to avoid a mess, hold the plate above the victim, and start the dripping from a high level to establish thresholds. The wax can also be reused, but you may find certain impressions it makes to be lovely mementos.

Got any questions for Sasha? Write her at
465 McGill Street, 3rd floor, Montreal, Quebec, H2Y 4B4
Fax: 393-3173
e-mail: pouledeluxe@yahoo.com