Dear Sasha: My girlfriend of 15 months has recently given me the heave and called it quits. While I'm devastated by this turn of events, I'm perplexed on a material issue. She and I exchanged a lot of gifts during the course of the relationship, with most of her presents to me coming in the form of clothes. I've got multiple shirts, two coats, two pairs of shoes, a number of pairs of pants and a suit out of the deal. Since our relationship is fairly freshly over, I'm feeling as though I should drop the whole load into the nearest Goodwill box - just to make the break complete. Kind of a cathartic dumping if you will. Am I being too impulsive about such an issue? It's just that I can't help but look in my closet and be reminded about her. » Coming Out

Dear Coming,
As an incurable impulsive, I have inflicted violence on sartorial gifts that would rival any duel in the Thunderdome. I once had to be talked out of putting a pair of Joan and David party shoes in a blender. I also shredded a pile of clothes like a giant, crazy bird making a nest.

My favourite break-up purge, and the only one I don't regret, is setting a pile of items out on my garbage cans and watching through my basement apartment window as passers-by nimbly yoinked them, then opened the cans further to see if there was anything else of interest inside, although there was nothing but trash. It was such a shining metaphor for that particular relationship, although the general idea wasn't mine. I stole it from my friend Kate, who after a very bad break-up with someone who acted very stupidly, called all her friends and invited them over for a free garage sale. Of his stuff. She relays another great tale of an old roommate who once knocked on her bedroom door with a pile of her philandering soon-to-be ex-boyfriend's belongings. On top of the pile was a Zippo and a bottle of lighter fluid. "Wanna go to the park?" she asked.

Like I said, I've only ever not regretted doing this once, and although I admire your desire to give rather than ruin, my advice is influenced by the break-up itself. I know it's hard to be discerning now, but was it a "bad" break-up? Was she vicious, deceitful, soul-crushing? If so, purge. Take one item, set it on fire or tear it to ribbons (you'll love it, trust me), then box the rest up and send them to the Goodwill.

Was it hurtful, just because break-ups hurt? Then keep the clothes. Put them in a box, don't look at them, and then bring them out later. If her taste bordered on fashionable rather than stylish, you will have a good chuckle at the man she was trying to make you into (I mean really, all of those items after only 15 months? What were you wearing before, shirts emblazoned with the Tasmanian Devil and tie-dyed weight lifter's pants?). If they're stylish, well, then you'll have them forever. And you will be a very stylish and mature boy indeed.

Dear Sasha: My boyfriend and I want to start experimenting with hot-wax play and were wondering if you had any, haha, hot tips. » Bee My Valentine

Dear Bee,
Looking at your moniker, I'm going to presume you're making a play on beeswax. It's sweet, but don't do it! Beeswax melts at a higher temperature than something like paraffin and you could actually give yourself some gnarly blisters this way. Be careful with large candles, as the potential for slopping a pool of burning hot spillage is greater. Best to use a candelabrum or menorah-sized candle - something you can get a good precise grip on, white also being the best choice. Race Bannon, in Learning the Ropes, says, "Remember that the higher you hold the candle from the body, the cooler the wax becomes before it hits the skin. A good approach to hot-wax scenes is to hold the candle very high above the body first and slowly move the candle closer until the most pleasurable temperature level is reached."

Got any questions for Sasha? Write her at
465 McGill Street, 3rd floor, Montreal, Quebec, H2Y 4B4
Fax: 393-3173
e-mail: pouledeluxe@yahoo.com