F This is for the guy who was talking about the Shalabi Effect show at Sala Rossa. I can't believe people were shooshing - that show made me want to stick an ICE PICK through my temple. I don't know what it is about avant-garde music. All the guys are always at the front totally rockin' out and all the chicks are in the back asking about the melody. But the Shalabi Effect was just a bunch of musicians who weren't really listening to themselves and that's why I was shocked anybody would bother to shoosh. I guess I'm just really disgusted by avant-garde music right now, musicians who just kind of do their own thing. I kind of respect it - if that's your bag - but there is a lot to be said for rhythm and melody and soul. Rather than this self-concerned arrogance with your instrument. [BLEEP!]

M As much as I agree that the excessive shooshing at venues like Sala Rossa should be kept to a minimum, considering the added delight of the ambient sounds of the audience, one must also keep in mind that there are, more often than not, LOUD OBNOXIOUS DRUNK PEOPLE that deserve to be shooshed. [BLEEP!]

M The reason for this whole debate about punk is that the Montreal punk scene doesn't get any respect. Nobody gives a shit about local bands. Record producers and big-time record execs don't give a shit about little shitty local punk shows. It's a sad truth. What I think we should do is get off their asses and get these bands noticed. There are tons of good local bands - Tainted Youth and Psychotic 4, for example. But the band that gets noticed is A Simple Plan, and A Simple Plan is fake music. Emo-music that is only for people who are dying to get laid. Where's the rebellion? Where is the feeling? Punk music is going down the drain and it's because people are not paying attention to the right things, not listening to the RIGHT KIND OF MUSIC. And it's also the fault of the fuckin' media. I'm repeating myself, I'm an IDIOT. Anyway, this is Rob from Judgemental and I'm done. [BLEEP!]

M So every week there seems to be somebody on the Rant Line™ who's really, really pissed off about somebody else's taste in music, when music is just music. So if you're prepared to complain, you should be prepared to do something about it. So to all those people complaining about punk or hip hop or country: what do you want to do? How about this? Why don't we establish a MUSIC GESTAPO and they can check everyone's Walkmans and Discmans and they can regulate the clubs? Doesn't this sound like a great idea?! And then, to get rid of the Western shirts and baggy pants and the punk rock clothes, why don't we establish a uniform of unisex, one-size-fits-all COVERALLS, only available in grey, and that way everyone can look the same too. It will be awesome like that! And people who don't conform can be sent 1,000 miles north of here to a lumber camp, and they can do logging. Twenty-five years logging if you're caught listening to a really bad CD. It will be great! [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, about this rock 'n' roll music/DJ culture fight. I just want to remind you that no, not every person that plays a guitar has talent. Go to any beach or CAMPFIRE this summer and you will see. But it's not worth confronting each other. And remember, even if you have talent, it doesn't necessarily mean anything is going to happen. I know people way more talented than me and they won't even LEAVE THEIR ROOM. [BLEEP!]

M This is to everyone arguing over what music is better, turntable music or this rock music. I'm representing the HEARING IMPAIRED. I just think that turntables look cooler, so they are probably better. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, this rant goes out to all the people crying about there ain't being no good live music in Montreal. The other day I went to see White Cowbell Oklahoma and it was awesome. There was WIENER for the women and BOOBIES for the boys. I'm telling you all, it was incredible. Peace. [BLEEP!]

F Goin' out to all my sisters in Montreal. Why do you gotta go calling all the ladies sluts? Stop believing that bullshit, man. Come on, support your sisters, don't talk about being sluts and whores. That's just bullshit. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I was just at the dollar store and saw condoms for sale - 15 for a buck. Come on, man, what kind of quality can they be? There's no way a dome that's less than a dime can hold my superload. [BLEEP!]

M I need some help! I don't believe in murder and violence but every morning I wake up with this urge to join the ARMY. What the hell is going on in my brain!? I don't get it. Every morning there's a voice in my head going, "Join the army, it will be good for you, join the army." Where the fuck is this voice coming from? [BLEEP!]

Next issue: Open forum