Dear Sasha: I always said that if I found my boyfriend cheating, I would rid myself of him. But before him I'd never had a relationship that lasted over a year, so my feelings were never strong enough not to let go. I have since learned to bite my tongue.

It has recently come to my attention that this man I've been with for just over a year and a half has been exploring other ventures without me. I love him, not only romantically but because he is a friend who I care about a great deal. I've always been an open girl and have tried things myself that would make him blush, but there is no end in sight to his sexual appetite. I have the burden of proof to my allegations, which he can't deny, nor has he tried. I feel I've done everything in order to make this work. Now I think it's time to move on, but I want an eye for an eye. I know how childish this is, but what do you think of having an affair in your mate's bed? And taking pictures to leave behind for him? I just want him to have the same image imprinted in his memory that I have in mine. » Hellraiser

Dear HR,
The scenario does have a mid- to late-'80s female-rage-film ring to it, for sure, but you're lacking one key element: denial. Well, perhaps two: lesbians from the Helmut Newton factory.

I firmly believe in revenge, but your situation seems so clear-cut that I wonder if your desired route wouldn't reek of redundant desperation. Your boyfriend has not denied your allegations, thereby giving you a totally clean out. He wasn't fucking around on you and denying it; when you brought evidence to the table, he came clean. And how do you seek revenge on the sexually compulsive? By being sexually compulsive yourself, and doing something that, ordinarily, you wouldn't do? Matching reprehensible behaviour to reprehensible behaviour is something you'll have to carry with you your whole life. Revenge must be fitting to you, and your ethics, since you have to live with it.

I'm not sure if your intention is to remain friends, but if it is, I would like to point out one thing to you if revenge is your goal. You are basically endorsing his deceitfulness if you continue this friendship. What you are saying to other women is: "This is a good man, good enough that when we stopped dating, we remained friends." In a situation like this, I am a huge fan of lifetime shade. Never speak to him again. Period. And have a look at www.revengelady.com for some jaw-dropping tales.

Dear Sasha: Your column about swinging with herpes caught my attention because I too get genital herpes outbreaks from time to time. My primary advice to your reader would be to check out a Web site dedicated to herpes sufferers. The site is specifically dedicated to help people date/connect with other HSV affected people - thus rendering HSV a non-issue. The site is www.mpwh.com (Meet People With Herpes), and it allows you to search for like-minded people locally, nationally or worldwide. Furthermore, you can search for people looking for alternative lifestyles, ie. swinging. » Bi Guy

Dear Bi Guy,
Whenever I cover STI issues like herpes and HPV, I get a lot of mail, mostly from really pissed off people who don't have STIs who want to keep it that way and disagree with my outlook. I appreciate that there are sites for people with herpes looking for like-infected lovers, and although part of me feels that kind of segregation perpetuates ignorance, I realize that a great deal of people have herpes and that socializing with others who do as well doesn't necessarily limit their possibilities.

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