by JOHNSON CUMMINS

White Cowbell Oklahoma are a 24-legged, 10-horse wagon of Southern-fried boogie, rock and R&B that only brakes for KFC, bourbon and crushed ephedrine pills, exiled to T-dot from some mythical milieu south of the Mason-Dixon line. Armed with more guitarists than Molly Hatchet and less brain cells than Black Oak Arkansas, these redneck rockers bring the party wherever they go and steamroll over flaccid indie rock, P.C. ideals, good taste and anything else that dares to stand between them and the next titty bar. The Mirror talked to the 'Bell's singer, Clem.

Mirror: You've had people fucking on stage at your shows, right?

Clem: We have this thing we call the "alcoholic and pornographic effect" when we play. We aren't responsible for this superpower, it's really just a gift. When we play, people get drunker than they have ever been, take more drugs than they've ever taken and just start taking off their clothes and getting on the stage.

M: You seem to give the chaotic element at your shows a little nudge, though, with your use of chainsaws, wet T-shirt contests and band members' nudity.

C: There is a certain amount of effort on our part to get it in the end zone of depravity, but we never really know what's going to happen. For instance, we had the great idea of having coleslaw wrestling once. We even thought it would be a lot less messy if we had it on the floor in front of the stage instead of on the stage. Of course, total chaos and carnage ensued. The club we played at locked the doors after the show and wouldn't let us out until we cleaned up the cabbage off of the ceiling and the bar and out of the P.A. speakers. I didn't want my probation officer to find out I didn't spend the night at my halfway house, so I was in there for like, six hours.

M: Have you been accused of being sexist?

C: Like I said before, we have a pornographic effect and when we play - even the most die hard Ani Difranco fan with unshaven legs will be lining up for our wet T-shirt contest with baited breath and anticipation in her eye.

M: Is there a spiritual place you need to visit to pen stuff like "Put the South in Your Mouth"?

C: Yeah, for that song in particular I was in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and I met a spirit guide down there and he was able to take me to a couple of places in my mind. I found out later he was just a crystal meth dealer, but hey, I got a song out of it.

M: The cowbell seems to be an underrated instrument.

C: The cowbell is a symbol of rock 'n' roll excellence, concentrated in one "conk" sound. It's this percussive instrument that is so small, so simple, yet so pure. It really brings us so much joy, and we all agree that it is the most amazing sound in the world.

M: How come it's taken you guys so long to play Montreal?

C: Because they've put up lasers at the Quebec-Ontario border that set our prison collars off. We figured out a way around that with chewing-gum wrappers, so the people of Montreal should be in for a good ol' time.

At le Swimming on Friday, Jan. 23, 10pm, $7

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