by RUPERT BOTTENBERG

In the annals of trash cinema, few flicks stand out as boldly as Inframan, a 1975 release from Hong Kong's noble Shaw Brothers studio. It's a colossal cornucopia of crap, a monumental masterpiece of mindlessness, a whiz-bang whirlwind of what-the-fuck-was-that - and hey, it's playing at Cinéma du Parc!

The story's simple enough: Earth splits open, cities crumble, Ice Age über-freaks demand human subservience, Science Police build superhero to fight said freaks. The malefactors are led by one Princess Dragon Mom, a whip-wielding, Barbie-tressed bitch in golden go-go boots and dainty pink chiffon cape, operating out of a lair resembling nothing so much as a miniature-golf course of the damned. At her command are all manner of ridiculous monsters - the bug guy, the plant guy, the scaly moustache guy, the fuzzball guy, the green-turd-with-a-drill-for-a-hand guy, countless skeletal thugs in horned motorcycle helmets and the Princess's adjutant, a bare-midriffed cutie with eyes in the palms of her clawed hands.

Confronting this cavalcade of creeps is the cyborg Inframan, backflipping through the clouds to this dust-up or that. Though he seems to prefer kung-fu to vanquish his foes, Inframan's arsenal includes supersizing, blaster boots, flying Thunder Fist gloves and a wide array of rays, beams and lasers. But then, everyone's got rays, beams and lasers, leading to - you got it - shitloads of explosions. Ball-o'-flame explosions, firework explosions, rainbow smokepuff explosions, trashing cars and computers, buildings and bad guys.

Inframan is, of course, the cheap Chinese knock-off of Japan's immensely popular Ultraman - you know, the superhero with the red-and-silver spandex jumpsuit and bug-eyed astro-mask. Through all his incarnations and adventures, though, Ultraman never got this stupid. Right from the groovy, solarized lightshow freakout credits, the absurdity comes on so dense in Inframan that there's hardly a moment to breathe. Did I mention the impressive set design, the lurid colour scheme, the nutty sound effects and delightfully retarded dialogue? And do I need to mention that bad rarely gets this good?

Inframan screens at the Cinéma du Parc this Friday, Jan. 16 at 11:30pm and next Thursday, Jan. 22 at 7:15pm

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