Dear Itching,
It would be nice to think that all people involved in open sexual lifestyles were equally open to learning about, discussing and disseminating sexually transmitted infection (STI) information. But unfortunately, as Jean Hamel, a spokesperson for the Quebec Swingers Association told me, this is not always the case. Turns out that swingers are just like the rest of us: happy to bury their heads in the bush and then become piqued at people's lack of honesty in retrospect. We all just want to have our cake and get eaten out too.
Hamel, who has been swinging for around 20 years, was a great source of sensibility about the flaws and virtues of his fellow sex partners. If you want to know anything about the Lifestyle, you have to talk to the intrepid Montrealers from swing club L'Orage who were at the forefront of having Canadian swinging laws changed, something that happened on July 4, 2003. Thanks to these folks, swinging in private is now legal in Canada, with some very progressive parameters - so progressive and unlike other convoluted Canadian sex laws that you'd think that the judge who passed them was a swinger himself.
What Hamel said was that any penetration in clubs involves condoms, and that "We believe that people will be honest enough not to participate when they're at risk." Hamel did say that from his experience, you will lose partners if you divulge your status, even if your STI is inactive, and this was confirmed by my friend Seska, who is both a swinger and an adult entertainer. "Being cautious when it comes to group sex is wise - whether or not you have an STI," Seska says. "You have to assume that there are people there who possibly have an STI and either don't know it or won't tell you about it. Or if you have an STI you have to be responsible about risking other people's health. Everyone has the right to make an informed decision to determine the amount of risk they are willing to take."
But in her experience, "People are tight-lipped about their STI status. If you are with a small, regular group of people, you tend to feel better able to confide in people and to ask them straight out about their STI status, when they get tested and that sort of stuff. In anonymous, casual groups, the discussion just does not happen. People are either in denial or are hoping for the best, and possibly freaking out with worry later."
Swing clubs are not subject to any health control, and the only information that the Quebec Swingers Association supplies in relation to their practices is how to behave and approach people. Hamel did say, though, "We have never received a complaint about diseases."
"I think if someone is interested in group sex and has a lifetime STI," says Seska, "being as informed as possible about the transmission risks and helping potential partners understand the situation well ahead of the sex is a good idea. Saying something spur of the moment - seconds before someone is to go down on you or even doing some manual play is a recipe for disaster."
Check out www.aeqsa.com, which has info on prevailing swinging laws and more (it needs some updating, which Hamel says is in the works), or call 990-5723 to talk to one of the super-cool spokespeople. After speaking to Hamel about my own aversion to/interest in the Lifestyle (I need to know that bisexual and gay men will be at events I attend, and Hamel said this is becoming more frequent), I'm looking even more forward to my next trip to Montreal.
