M Let's rant about something totally ridiculous. Chaos punk. What the hell is that? Is that going to Café Chaos, for chrissakes? Because if it is, you've got another thing coming. Wearing your little white laces means white supremacy, you little shits, and I'm getting sick and tired of all this white racist bullshitism - like the Exploited being one of the best punk rock bands and shit. For your information, the Ramones were the first punk rock band and it had nothing to do with racism, it was about the power of the music. It was a state of mind! So why don't all you chaos punks get off the street, get into your little taxis, and head back to suburbia where you belong. [BLEEP!]

F Yeah, hey Montreal, what's up, man? You're the shit, man. Yo, Montreal is the bomb city. Enough with all this negativity and bitchin', bitchin', bitchin'. The point of the matter is that Montreal is the shit, you people are the shit, let's love each other and just have sex. [BLEEP!]

M To the female who lent that African guy Peter $30 and never got it back. Peter is a fuckin' bum. He begs for change. Friday night he asked me for 45 cents in front of Lucifer on St. Lawrence street. He's a hobo. You are never going to get your money back. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, Peter. The same thing happened to me. He came up to me on a really cold day saying he needed $40 to get his car boosted. And hey, I gave it to him and he never came back. He was very well-dressed and nice and everything but he didn't come back. So it just shows you. Don't ever help anyone because it's not worth it. [BLEEP!]

F Hey, you're not stupid, you just got scammed. Peter is constantly around St-Viateur and Parc begging for money. Let everybody know not to give the guy two cents. He's a liar and a thief! [BLEEP!]

M To the female who is looking for Peter who owes her $30 because of her extreme GENEROSITY. I must admit that you probably gave too much and you're a little bit silly for doing so, but please, do not be disheartened. Don't let this creature break your big, open heart. What you've done is a wonderful thing. I've run into this Peter and given him some money, even though I knew that it was never going to be returned and that it was all a RUSE. You are a wonderful person who should enjoy and love what you've done for this other person, even though they are maybe not deserving of it. If somebody is begging for money, they are down enough to beg, so what you've done is a wonderful thing. Just please, keep your faith in humanity. Peter is just one person, he is not all of humanity. [BLEEP!]

M Lady, there's a Peter in every single city all across the world. So it's not your fault. You were not stupid. You were just too nice. Don't worry about it. You are not stupid. [BLEEP!]

M This is in response to the girl who said guys in Montreal are sexually pent up and frustrated. First off, I would like to say that it's hard not to be, when men have to do all the work and get all the blame regarding relationships. All that women have to do, as you say, is to be HOT. What about finding the courage to walk up to another person and having the creativity to say something witty and nice? Or having the perception, if not the mind-reading ability, to find out what the other person expects from you? And having the financial means and status to satisfy those expectations. Wouldn't you also end up pent up and sexually frustrated if all you got for an answer to all your efforts was to be used, used, used, and used again, as a foot masseur, a psychologist, a protector, a verbal abuse dumpster, an object of ridicule, a provider of compliments for an UNQUENCHABLE BOTTOMLESS PIT OF VANITY? Wouldn't you choose to save your sanity and your freedom rather than being someone else's dildo who cares less about you than about what her friends think of you? [BLEEP!]

M Your aura is electromagnetic. If you really want to fuck up your aura and your health and whatever you are, if you want to really unbalance it, become a homo. Having sex with somebody who is the same sex as you is not even sex. Whatever sexual stimulation or whatever it is you are doing to each other is okay, that's true. But it fucks up your aura, it fucks up your being. You have the free will to do it if you want, you are allowed. So go out there and do what you want. Just don't complain when you're all fucked up later. [BLEEP!]

F If you've found God and you don't want your fag WARDROBE anymore we are two big girls who do. [BLEEP!]

F Hey, I'd like to know where all the PUBIC HAIR has gone. Because it seems like everybody shaves it away nowadays. Keep it on, people, so you don't all look like 10-year-old kids. Bye. [BLEEP!]

Next issue: Open forum