by GABRIEL MORENCY

Well, it's that time of year again.

Temperatures are dropping, snow is falling and being cleared by NASCAR drivers disguised as city workers, NHL games are actually starting to mean something, and for better or worse, the holidays are here. Since it is well known that it is better to give than receive (some would say that depends on what you are receiving, but we'll leave that for Sasha), we have some gift ideas that should satisfy any sports fan. Although, much like that hot, innocent-looking girl you met in the bar last night, nothing is usually as it seems…

Hockey tickets

For $320, you can get two hockey fans in your life ice-level seats to, let's say, the January 6 Canadiens-Sabres game - although you could, oh, I don't know, just kick them in the teeth and they would probably feel the same way about you. A better and cheaper idea is the Molson Ex-Zone, where $44 will get two tickets that are two miles from the action on the ice but are front-row centre for the bevy of Star-Académie-wannabe Molson Girls, who I usually find, um, I mean, that the recipients of your seasonal generosity will find more entertaining than the neutral zone trap.

Or, if you really want to get someone something good, hook them up with a couple seats on the back of the bus for a 10-hour road trip with a Quebec Major Junior Hockey team!

Baseball jerseys

For the baseball fans in your life, who are no doubt pickier (i.e. stat-head-geeks) than the hockey fans, at least you know not to make the mistake of buying a $211 authentic Javier Vasquez or Vladimir Guerrero Expos jersey. How about a Jose Vidro home replica jersey, for a $132… oh wait, he's a free agent at season's end, better not chance it, let's go with the Orlando Cabrera, fleur-de-lys… well, he does make a lot of money and, after Vidro, he'll be the next to go. Better just settle for an Expo home jersey, no name on the back, no city affiliation on the front, so your recipient will fit right in when you also pay to send them to watch the Expos in the cock-fighting capital of the world San Juan, Puerto Rico (suave). Whoah, unless I'm buying for the Star-Académie-wannabe Molson Girls, and I'm coming as well, it just isn't happening. We'll go instead with two $36 VIPs for a game next summer. What, VIPs are now $40 a piece? Well, it is the holidays, so we'll get a pair for one of the annual Pearson Cup games versus the Jays in early July. What, the Expos are playing the Jays in San Juan Puerto Freaking Rico? Screw it.

The Alouettes are always a popular choice, let's get a replica Jermaine Copeland jersey for $115. Wait… isn't he trying out for a couple of National Football League clubs? Go instead with a Pat Woodcock… no, hang on, I hear he's signing with Ottawa for sure. Wow, it really is the holidays, as I'm starting to get pissed (figuratively and literally) and am now both angry and drunk. Speaking of which, if you find yourself too drunk to walk this holiday season, take a drive… in the back of a taxi, that is. Stay safe and happy freaking holidays!

Random Rage

Eric Lucas (36-5-3 13 KOs) gets a chance to win his belt back this Saturday at the Bell Centre, when he takes on Aussie Danny Green (16-1-0 16 KOs) for the interim WBC super middleweight title. The winner will face-off against former champ and injured German Markus Beyer, who won the belt over Lucas in an obvious stiff job last April in Germany (Green was similarly robbed by Beyer after he was disqualified for an inadvertent head-butt that saved a bloodied and beaten Beyer). Lucas will have his hands full Saturday, in what Green says will be "an all-out war, " but he will be the beneficiary of some holiday season good will from the judges and will also do enough to win back the belt that should rightfully have been his to begin with. Prediction: Lucas - decision.

Holiday Handicapper
NFL Week 16
KC (-3) at MIN: Pick MIN
NE (-3) at NYJ: Pick NE
CIN (+7) at STL: Pick CIN

Sports Rage with Gabriel Morency is vented weeknights 11 p.m.-2 a.m. on TEAM 990 AM. This column appears bi-weekly. Comments: sportsrage@team990.com