by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Mistress K8

Age: "Old enough to know better."

Occupation: Co-proprietor of the Fetish Café [www.fetishcafe.ca]

Bio: This gentle yet stern Pointe Claire broad had been living in the Plateau but opted to move to the 'burbs two years ago after unwinding in her backyard one morning, "wearing very little," and eventually looking up to discover she'd become the lusty entertainment for dozens of her neighbours. "You just can't get any privacy downtown." A local fetish icon, K8 originally took on responsibility for the Fetish Café - arguably the premier dungeon in town for public ass whoopins - as a labour of love "for the community." After a brief period where the Fetish Café became the Fetish Funhouse and where "things just weren't quite right," the club has recently returned to its old formula and is, once again, doing gangbuster business. She drives a 1999 Volkswagen Golf.

The male/female ratio of her establishment: About 50/50. "We get a lot of women. Dominants, but many submissives too."

Two reasons why they no longer pass out instruments of torture at the bar: Because they are often never returned and, "Hygienically, it's just not a good idea to indiscriminately hand out toys. They're personal. I would be mad if I was being whipped with the same whip that had just been used on some sweaty, dirty person."

Do customers ever start "playing" a little too intensely and have to be told to chill out? Occasionally. "But most people are pretty good and the rules are right there on the wall. And I understand. Hey, we've all misbehaved in public at one point or another. So we forgive, but we can't tolerate certain things."

Something that can't be tolerated: Bloodletting.

Something else that isn't tolerated: Loud screaming. "You just don't want screaming in a public place. You're invading the space of other customers, and to us, we interpret screaming as a scene gone too far."

Is it cool to walk around the Café naked? Not really. The law "doesn't allow for you to pull your knickers down. Women can, in theory, go topless, and you can give somebody a [bare-assed] spanking, but you're not allowed to show or touch any orifices."

Does she ever have problems with scatting enthusiasts doing their business in the darker areas of the club? "God, of course not!"

The first time K8 remembers being sexually aroused: "I remember getting this tingly feeling one Saturday afternoon when I was about seven years old, watching this Biblical movie on TV. The Romans captured this slave girl, tied her to a stake, tore open the back of her dress, and started whipping her. Oh my God, I was so turned on! Also, at that age, my Grade 2 teacher, with the consent of my parents, used to regularly tie me to my chair with a rope so I wouldn't wander around the classroom. Can you believe that? I really liked it."

Last book read: The Devil's Larder: A Feast, by Jim Crace.

Musical preferences: Eminem, Kiss.

Fave TV show: Trailer Park Boys.

Words of wisdom: "The most important thing is to have integrity, and to possess the honesty to admit when you've lacked integrity."

Comments? dimwit@openface.ca