Dear Sasha: My girlfriend and I are going to have a baby soon - she's two months pregnant - and we're both very frisky. My girlfriend is bi-curious and wants to have a threesome. I was wondering how I could go about finding a suitable playmate for us or even where to begin looking. Also, concerning the baby, would it be healthier or better to wait until the baby is born before having the threesome or should this concern not come to the forefront of my thoughts right now? » Domenic

Dear Dom,
I think there are many women who would leap at the chance to share a threesome with a couple, one of whom was pregnant. Not to imply that your girlfriend is some sort of novelty item, but many women don't have the opportunity to be in sexual proximity to another who is pregnant, and I'm sure the curiosity around it is quite compelling. A lot of women would probably approach the situation with some relief knowing that they were obviously a solo outsider, with you two clearly committed to one another.

There are innumerable Web sites with people looking for group escapades. As one example, I would suggest www.gay.com, where there are some adventurous queer women in the chat rooms.

As for your girlfriend's health, I would do my very best to have the safest sex possible to avoid any STDs, one example being herpes. With genital herpes, the first outbreak is often the most painful, and an outbreak around delivery could hamper your girlfriend's likelihood of giving birth vaginally. So be extra careful and use dental dams, gloves and condoms.

Dear Sasha: I'm a devoted female reader of your column as it's always provided me with lots of useful information. I need you to help me with my sister, who is 17. Two days ago, a very good friend of hers sent me an e-mail explaining why my sister has been very depressed lately. According to the friend, my sister is a lesbian and has broken up with her girlfriend. I was totally shocked to learn this. My sister has always been tomboyish but I didn't imagine she was lesbian. What can I do to help her? Is there no way for her to be straight? Can psychiatric therapy help? » Shocked Sister

Dear Shocked,
There is a way you can help her, yes, but let's first look at some of the theories and ideas surrounding orientation conversion.

A popular pro-gay argument is biology, mostly because it's the most incontestable way of explaining to nosy people with double standards that "it's not our fault, we were born this way." But why shouldn't choice also be a legitimate reason, especially given our obsession with it in so many other circumstances? I feel like I would choose to be queer too, because it works so well for me. I think it's imperative that we start respecting people's choices along with their biology, but also their right to change if they want to try. My guess is that some people can probably change their sexual orientation through willpower or religious conviction, but, by that rationale, it would go both ways. In other words, there are probably straight people who could live gay if they really believed it would enhance their lives.

The problem, as I see it, is that most sexual-orientation conversion methods - and I've only ever seen ones for gays trying to go straight - are based in fear, particularly of hell, as well as self-hate. If I really, really believed in hell and I hated myself for being queer, I'd be working my ass off to dump my girlfriend and find a nice Calvinist boy to settle down with so I could start using my breasts for something more business-like than twirling pasties. The real question is, how much do you hate yourself, and how much would this impact your desire to live a different life? Would you be willing to change your orientation because it was considered by your family and religion to be wrong?

If helping your sister is truly your intent, then how about an open-ended conversation rather than one with such a complicated goal in mind? Your sister's heart is broken not because she's queer, but because she lost a lover.

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