M For the female defender of CHOM who likes to use the A-word. After listening to the Underground Garage, CHOM's regular programming reveals itself for what it really is - commercial crapola. But kudos to the Real Rock Chick for pointing out Little Steven. He's the man. [BLEEP!]

M Some poor soul left a message last week asking where all of the hip hoppers were. Well, I'd like to direct this poor unfortunate to a specific Web site. It's www.islandcitymonsters.com. All the rest of you LOST HEADS out there can also find the real scene that's happening in Montreal. We are connected not only with the four groups in the ICM but also with all the other groups that rock this city to the bone. Hip hop shows happen on a weekly basis - we throw at least 30 shows a year, just our crew alone. So wake up, hit the Web site, ask us for some mixed tapes. We'll be hitting the streets with the HOLIDAY FEVER mixed CD coming up next month. [BLEEP!]

M For a second there I got all excited when I read that it was a female asking where all the hip hoppers are. But then she goes and asks, "Why aren't people talking about Tupac and Biggie Smalls?" First of all, Tupac and Biggie were poseurs. Everybody knows this. Biggie's own entourage, after he died, said that if Biggie knew he could make $2-million by rapping about what's in that garbage can over there, he would have done it. Same thing for Tupac. Does anybody even remember that Tupac was a dancer for Digital Underground? These people were going with a formula that they knew could get them money and fame. When I hear hip hop, I think ARTISTRY. I think Jedi Mind Tricks, I think the Arsonist, I think Styles of Beyond. Jesus, why did you have to bring up the two most mainstream artists - both of whom are DEAD, by the way? Maybe their careers are not, but they themselves are. So how about putting the spotlight on the artists who are doing it for creativity's sake and for artistry's sake? Peace. [BLEEP!]

M The Kidnapper Films Variety Show was like a high school beauty pageant starring Westmount, the Pistol, Blizzarts, Blue Dog and all the other fucking COOLSTERS. What I'm saying is that it sucked. [BLEEP!]

M To the person who was blaming godspeed for bad anglo cafes. What the fuck? Okay, so the Casa has the same bands playing week after week, just as the Knitting Factory does in New York. But what other café, sorry bad anglo café, is doing that on St-Laurent? And by the way, it's not financed by every member of godspeed. And they're not posing as punk - they don't wanna be posing as anything. Jeez, get a life. [BLEEP!]

M What is a bad anglo café anyway? Is Second Cup a bad bilingual café because they have English and French newspapers? [BLEEP!]

M To the guy who called us punks dopey emaciated asses or, specifically, social outcasts. Thanks for validating our existence. Yet again, we occupy your mind space. We are succeeding in our QUEST. [BLEEP!]

F Hi. This is to the punks. If you really believe that chaos rules, what a sad and disturbing world you live in. My world is a calm and serene one. I surround myself with loving, caring people and I wish I could do the same for you. [BLEEP!]

F For the chronic masturbators, you need to seek medical advice. Here's what I told my four-year-old daughter, who I caught rubbing herself in front of her friends: I'm not mad at you. It's okay if you want to touch it, but it's something you do in your room by yourself and you always make sure your hands are clean. Now, I'm an adult, I masturbate regularly, but I never do it in front of people who are non-consenting. If I ever see anybody have such a lack of respect for me and my kid, you better have good running shoes. So go find a hiding spot and show the rest of the world some respect. And, again, go see a doctor - because your urge to masturbate in public is really not that normal. Bye. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, hi, I'm responding again to the chronic masturbators. Um, there might be a MISUNDERSTANDING, because it's not as safe as it could be. Once I was caught masturbating freely, um, in a crowd. And when I was caught by the security in the mall they brought me up on charges and I had to show up in front of a judge. And when I told the judge what happened, he slapped me with a fine for $125. Then I told him that it was my dick and not his and he slapped me with another $200 on top of that because he thought I was just simply WEIRD and rude for telling the justice that it was my own dick I was pulling! Anyway, more power to you. Just jerk off! The bigger the crowd, the better it feels. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum