Dear Sasha: I am hopeful that you will respond to me, you being one of the world's great proponents of polyamoury.

I've been with my current girlfriend for nearly five years. She's amazing and we are very much in love. The sex is really good too; we're willing to do whatever and have an open dialogue and are constantly working on ways to make it better. However, sex with her is not the best I've ever had. I've had partners (two in particular) who I was naturally more in sync with. It was with those women that I had mind-blowing sex. Those two incredible encounters were more than one-night stands, they lasted several months. I had them during periods where I was technically broken up with my girlfriend while I was out of the country. I've never cheated on my girlfriend; I don't think it's fair for me to do that to her.

Now here's the issue: I keep in contact with those two girls. I remain incredibly attracted to them and I have a fondness for both of them, which although is not love, is a strong feeling nonetheless. I also am constantly looking at other women with intense desire - not in a nutcase way, just a breathless kind of wouldn't-it-be-great way.

My girlfriend is crazy for me (no more though than I am for her), and you can tell that she only has eyes for me. In fact, I think she takes it really hard that I don't only have eyes for her. She finds it distressing. So if I decide that I want to be a polyamourist, how do I broach the subject with my girlfriend? » Partners Aplenty

Dear Partners,
I seriously doubt I am one of the world's greatest proponents of polyamoury, but I do believe that, given very obvious facts, it's something many of us should look into.

Polyamoury strives to have one noteworthy quality across the board, however and with whomever you practice it, and that is honesty. So whether you are involved with two people on even terms and have a few lovers on the side, or you're married to someone and you have five other paramours, everyone is in the know. In other words, you don't do things that benefit your naked parts and ego at the expense of other people's feelings, and you certainly don't use terms like "technically broken up" because polyamoury is not about self-serving euphemisms.

You don't strike me as a good candidate for this type of arrangement, not at the moment anyway. Why? Well for one thing, you're sneaky. It seems unlikely that your girlfriend knows of your technically broken up trysts (TBUTs), nor is she aware that you maintain contact with these two women because if she did, you would be experiencing some serious technical difficulties.

Why is your girlfriend crazy for you? I'm going to take a guess. Because your polymorphous appetite obviously makes you unavailable to a certain extent and there is nothing, aside from maybe being in Aerosmith, that women love more than a man dangling just out of reach.

You also use the word "I" when you discuss your desire for polyamoury, which reveals a certain stinginess. The open-bed, open-mind policy should extend to all involved. This can suck. Example: my girlfriend and I have totally different taste in women. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I hate the girls my girlfriend finds attractive, and I am extremely verbal about it. People who actually practice healthy polyamoury would define this as manipulative behaviour. (One of my favourite things to do is say, "Fine, if you want that crazy bitch in your life, that's your problem. Just don't come crying to me when she whips a frying pan through your window!").

Meanwhile, I would suggest you visit the Greenery Press Web site (www.greenerypress.

com) and check out some of the titles they offer on open relationships before you bring it up with your lady. They have over 30 books available for people interested in exploring sexual alternatives. I've read several of them and have found them to be valuable resources.

Got any questions for Sasha? Write her at
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