M This is for the guy who was wondering why those dudes got thrown out of the Sloan concert a couple weeks ago. It's because there was no one standing in front of the stage and there were all these little kids who kept pushing and throwing people to the ground. Sloan had to stop the show and it took about 10 minutes to get any kind of security up there. So I was pretty disappointed that some assholes couldn't stop interrupting what was an otherwise AWESOME ROCK CONCERT. Rock on! [BLEEP!]

M To the guy wondering why Sloan kicked the guy out. I think it was because he was crowd-surfing. Sloan don't like people crowd-surfing at their shows and when they do, they give them the BOOT. [BLEEP!]

M To all the younger bands complaining it's a tough scene-it is a tough scene! Get real, baby! I'm from out of town but I'm amazed at the massive talent here that is completely unheard of. But then I actually think that the Montreal music scene is the best in the world. As an example, check the jazz jams at Les Minots on St-Laurent on a Monday night. These guys may be OLD and unheard of but at times they're sensationally good. So to that young guy complaining-you've gotta serve your time, baby. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. [BLEEP!]

M This goes to the leader of that young band of under-25 year olds in Montreal. Well, we're a new young band in Montreal who range from 22 to 39 years in age. And, oh jeez, I'm really sorry you haven't been able to pay your DUES yet, but I bet all those older bands you're bitching about had to pay theirs. If you really want to be in a band, get out there and just do the stuff. Open up. Figure it out. Three hundred bucks pay-to-play, yeah, well, then don't play those damn clubs. There are plenty of other bars that will put you up there for free. Check out Barfly and a bunch of other places and then do your flyer-ing. Don't whine, you little babies, get out and do it. [BLEEP!]

M Isn't this funny, man? I'm at work and I'm drunk and I'm a tattoo artist. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is Eric the Red and I'm ranting about the person who couldn't find World Beat last week. World Beat's at 1234 de la Montagne. I'm one of the people who put together Renaissance, which is the poetry open mic thing that used to be at Ciné Express. So all those people still looking to do some open mic things, just come down any time you want. It's on Thursdays between 7:30 and 10 p.m. Come down, enjoy yourselves, get up and say something. [BLEEP!]

F For that girl looking for an open mic night, there's a really good one at Grumpy's on Tuesday nights. [BLEEP!]

M This is for that psychotic, jealous, frustrated woman who's complaining about ESCORTS and how escorts are ruining her life with her husband. Well, I've got one thing to say to her: why don't you women out there learn how to please your men sexually? Instead of having INTELLECTUAL conversations or bothersome arguments, why not, at night or during the day, please your man the way he wants to be pleased?! If you do that, us men won't have to go to escorts. [BLEEP!]

F I'm calling about the woman who is upset about escorts coming into a home and having sex with a man who has a wife and children. Well, she's just doing her JOB. She is an escort. If you're gonna do that kind of work, I'm sure it does take a certain amount of detachment. It's not her responsibility or of her concern to be thinking about what's in that house, like a baby's crib. I'm sure she's just happy not to see a gun or a knife or something that might cause PAIN to her or would force her into a situation where she's being raped. Instead of being pissed at the escorts, be mad at married men. They're the ones who made a decision to be in a monogamous relationship. If they can't handle it, why don't they just tell their wives they want to be with other women? Why do they lie? [BLEEP!]

M To that dude who said that the kid who eats poutine to get rid of her hangover must be from Ontario. I'm gonna tell you something about people in Ontario. In Toronto, they don't give a fuck about people in Montreal. So why are people from Montreal so concerned about people from Ontario? Grow up. Get a fucking head. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this message is for Satan who was calling from Hell. Satan, I've got a few words for you. You know what? You have very limited time left and if you don't change your ways, Jesus Christ is going to come and he's going to wipe you out and there won't be no more human misery, okay? So Satan, this message is for you. Just watch out. Peace everyone. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum