F This is a response to the girl who said that girls should be more educated about musical culture. Thank you for expressing yourself. I think sometimes that LIFE IS HOPELESS when I see younger people being clueless about who Johnny Cash was or who think Billie Holiday was a baseball player. But I get most insulted at parents who think that Tupac Shakur is a murderer with guns. I tell you I wonder how they could believe that when this courageous and strong man fought for an entire nation and brought tears to the EYES OF MILLIONS with his words. Oh yeah, and by the way, 50 Cent is just trying to suck out your money. Freshen your mind and listen to some Public Enemy for a change. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M This is on behalf of me and my friends. We would like to thank all the fellow hip hoppers out there for dressing exactly the same. If it weren't for you, when we step in the clubs, girls would not stare at us and want to dance in our area and come talk to us. So keep on CLONING yourselves and dressing exactly the same so we can stand out and get all the attention. Much appreciated. Keep following all the latest trends. Thank you, my fellow hip hoppers, we thank you very much. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, does anyone know why Sloan had that guy thrown out of their show a couple of weeks ago? It's been bugging me all weekend. [BLEEP!]

F This is a rant for SIR NEPOTISTIC trying to break into the local music industry. It's gonna take a while. It could take years and, fuck, it could take another life out of you. And I'm just telling you, man, be realistic. If you think it's tough now, just wait until you MAKE IT because then it gets tougher. And it's not only in Montreal that they actually ask you for money or a cut of the door, it's pretty much everywhere in every city. Good luck to you, buddy. [BLEEP!]

F This is that girl with the boring poetry and boring songs who wanted to read at an open mic night. Well, I'm glad I didn't go to Ciné Express tonight because I found out it got moved to World Beat and I couldn't find the number for World Beat because 411 didn't have it and I also didn't have an address and I don't know what's going on. So people, please continue calling me with your open mic nights of any kind. I will show up, I will bore you and then I will leave, okay? And I will never bother you again. That's it. Thanks. [BLEEP!]

M This goes out to the guy who said that if your parents are Jamaican but you weren't born there then you're not really Jamaican. Does that mean all these people who were raised the same way their parents were raised - whatever country they're from - does that mean they don't have any kind of connection to the culture of their parents? Being raised by somebody in that culture inherently makes you connected to that culture. If you were raised how your parents were raised in Jamaica, that would make you some kind of a Jamaican. Canadian-Jamaican, whatever you wanna call it. I am sure if that Jamaican has children, he's not going to raise them to be all totally Canadian. He's gonna raise them how he was raised in Jamaica and try to raise them Jamaican. So before you go ragging on people just because of their parents, consider that it's a good thing they have pride in their culture instead of being ashamed of it. That's all. [BLEEP!]

F Yeah, this is going out to all the escorts out there. How could you possibly walk into your clients' house and see a CRIB, carriage, or children's furniture and possibly get paid for fucking around with someone's husband? I know that it's your so-called job but do you have any conscience or thoughts about what you have just done? Even though he may give you some bullshit reason like, "Oh, it's my roommate's belongings," I wouldn't believe it one bit. That was my husband! I thought my home was safe! But perhaps that doesn't affect you. Wives, baby mamas, beware. I'm out. [BLEEP!]

M [Exasperated]I love it when some kid from ONTARIO wakes up without a hangover and thinks that they can announce to Montreal that it's due to a combination of potatoes, gravy and curd cheese. [BLEEP!]

M Hi. This is Satan calling from Hell. I would just like to congratulate the STM for their proposed plan to increase transit fares. I have a lot invested in the automobile industry, as well as in the general HUMAN MISERY INDUSTRY, and raising prices and cutting services serves me well in both of these sectors. It's almost as good as raising the price of food, as far as I'm concerned. So good work, STM. If anyone else would like to congratulate them with me, their number is 514-280-5653 and the president's name is Claude Dauphin. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum