M I'm the leader of a band in Montreal - a younger band, under 25. I'm just so tired of bands who are 34 to 40 years old ruling the scene and not giving us any room. I can't book a gig without it getting cancelled, paying a finder's fee, paying half the door, just all going fucking wrong. All we find is people who want us to pay door charges of 300 bucks before we can even get in the damn place. All we find is absolute disrespect because the city's so damn NEPOTISTIC and everybody's got to be someone's relative or best friend or you have to fuck them in order to get a gig around here! And you wonder why no one makes it out of Montreal. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M I like RAGGA. I listen to ragga. I play ragga. But I can't buy it in Montreal. Why is that? [BLEEP!]

M Hi. It's DJ Ultra 5 and I went to the show to see this Tron D and his stupid electroshock thing and it was terrible. He's definitely not the devil and if the devil sees him, he's gonna put him in his box, man. [BLEEP!]

M I find it pathetic that people - performers - in other burlesque and cabaret troupes of Montreal or abroad have to continually associate themselves with the Fluff Girls' name as a way to gain publicity through this Rant Line™. All skeptics of the Fluff Girls should come out and see what all the hustle and bustle is about in the Fluff Girls' upcoming October 10 show at Café Campus in Montreal. [BLEEP!]

M To the girl who was complaining about the American Apparel ad. I think this is exactly what the socialist-capitalist fusion is all about. You take the advertising from the capitalists and you apply it to a socialist theory. It's not that complicated. [BLEEP!]

M About that American Apparel ad. I thought it was very tasteful and sexy - sexier than porn. It's about time that we get ads like that instead of all this GAY SHIT MODEL CRAP that we've been seeing in this country. [BLEEP!]

M Hi Rant Line™. This is to the person who found the American Apparel ad showing the woman's butt to be distasteful. I don't see anything wrong with looking up a woman's anus! As a matter of fact, I'm trying to stare at my own KNOT. I've got a mirror here but it's pretty hard to get the angle properly. [BLEEP!]

F Hey, I'm just calling in to rant about high-heeled construction boots. High-heel construction boots! Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Women are wearing them with '80s jeans and it's fucking horrible. What is this? Montreal is supposed to be known for its high-class women and amazing fashion trends and those are ugly. There's nothing remotely attractive about these things. They're ugly, okay? Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F People of Montreal, I have found the cure for the hangover, even before it starts. After you go drinking, just go to La Belle Province and pick yourself up a poutine. It's a MAGICAL thing. That's true. Yeah. [BLEEP!]

M Hi, this is NDG ANTI-COPPER, that's right. I got a little blowback for my technique with the police up in NDG here, but before that I got two things to say to y'all. Firstly, ‘Yes sir, no sir, thank you very much, sir,' is the fucking reason the police come up to everybody and anybody on the street, acting like they're the shit. And because of scared pussies like you, they get to get away with half the shit they do. If everybody just told them to fuck off once and for all, we wouldn't have these problems, would we? Now for the other dude - I encourage the police to go after the CRACK DEALERS in this city. If you've been SWAT-teamed and had your door kicked down, it's different from smoking a fucking joint in the park, guy, so you know what? Keep slinging your rocks, keep slinging that crack, keep making that dough, but fuck you because one of these days, you'll be behind bars. And myself, and anyone who takes my advice, who puffs a doobie in public and gets a little shit from the police, trust me on this, tell them to just keep going. And, yo, there's no fucking law whatsoever that says that you have to carry ID. Find me where it says that. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, I was walking down Cherrier today next to St-Hubert and beside me pulled up one of those little yellow City of Montreal trucks that everyone says they'd like to drive. I look at the guy driving it and I notice there's something weird going on so I look down and he's got his PANTS DOWN over his ankles and his sweater pulled over his crotch. I look down and he's playing with himself. He's JANGLING HIS NUTS in the little car on the street looking at all the girls walking by! And I'm thinking is this what the city of Montreal has become and, if so, I'm pretty fucking disgusted! [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum