by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Geneviève Gobeil

Nickname: Coco

Age: 28

Occupation: Civil servant

Salary: Approximately 25k

Bio: This enchanting Rosemount goddess has been in the employ of Tandem Montreal for the last two-and-a-half years. Going around to elementary schools informing kids, among other things, that graffiti is vandalism and that strange men who politely ask if they can stick their fingers in your bum are probably best avoided, Geneviève is also the resident home security expert at Tandem NDG and Côte-des-Neiges. An entirely free public service, all you need to do is call her up and Geneviève will happily stop by to scope out your crib and offer suggestions on how you can better safeguard your digs from thieves. For more info go to www.preventionndg.org.

The number of people who call her after having already been burgled: Roughly 50 per cent.

Has she personally ever been robbed? No.

Does she get many calls from paranoid coke-fuelled lunatics seeking advice on how to protect their home from its ultimate invasion by the CIA, space aliens or mean-spirited talking gophers? Sometimes. "But usually it's elderly people, often suffering from Alzheimer's, who are sure that somebody keeps stealing from their house or moving their stuff around. We always try to refer these people to the CLSC or have them talk to their kids about the problem."

A few home protection tips that should be obvious but apparently are not: "Leave the radio on when you go out, always lock your door with a deadbolt lock, and if you're leaving for a long weekend or something, don't leave your porch light on the whole time. A porch light that's on in the middle of the afternoon is like a big sign saying, ‘Hey, I'm not here.' Get a timer. Also, don't close your blinds all the way. Leave them open just a little, so nobody can really see into your house but it doesn't cry out that no one is home. And don't allow your valuables to be visible from outside. I went to a place once where they had a huge library of CDs right in the window. You might as well be crying out, ‘Hello, rob me.'"

Does she suggest that people keep a clean, inviting bathroom to try to discourage thieves from shitting on their beds or throwing feces around their apartments as an extra "welcome home" surprise? "I don't think it makes a difference."

Would she like to see harsher penalties for people convicted of burglary? Not exactly, but Geneviève believes that if convicted burglars were court-ordered to confront their victims, who are often left feeling like they have been "raped" or "violated," they would be forced to recognize that burglary "is, in its own way, a violent crime," and perhaps think twice about continuing in the profession.

Last book read: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, by J.K. Rowling.

Musical preferences: Acid jazz, trip hop.

A recent film she dug: American Beauty.

Words of wisdom: "Live for the moment."

Comments? dimwit@openface.ca