M This is for the guy who asked when straight guys started adopting homosexual signifiers. They all been stealing our shit for years— decades! Where do you think you’d be without disco? You straight people took the music, the drugs, the anal sex—it’s high time you took all the other crap, too. Take our parents who say they’ll miss us in heaven when we’re in hell. Take the creepy guys who masturbate in the urinals beside you when you’re trying to piss. Take the bitchy politics of the Village and the rooms full of guys who all look exactly alike and only want to talk about their gym schedules. Take it. Take it all please, I sure as hell don’t want it! But goddamnit, leave us size 12 men’s high heels and Judy Garland. [BLEEP!]

F My rant is that I’ve got the wickedest best friend in Calgary who loves to go to rock concerts and loves BAND BOYS just as much as I do. But I can’t seem to find a girl here in Montreal who wants to go to rock shows and HOOK IT UP afterwards, who wants to go see good music all the time and is always up for fun. Thanks. Bye. [BLEEP!]

F To that girl who’s wondering where she can do open mic. Try every Thursday at Café Ciné Express—you can sing and BORE us with your poems there. [BLEEP!]

F This is about the American Apparel ad. I find it very TASTEFUL the way we can stare up into the woman’s anus. Yeah, it really makes me want to run out and buy some American Apparel. And I guess that’s what a SOCIALIST-CAPITALIST FUSION is really all about, right? Staring up somebody’s anus. Thank you for this delightful ad. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, for the guy who responded to the Relatively Nice Pot Smoker in NDG. Where did you grow up? This is Montreal, Quebec, man! You tell a cop to go around the block, he’ll kick your ass all the way around the block. When it comes to cops, even when they want to give me a $400 ticket, it’s “Yes sir, no sir, thank you very much, sir.” If you cross a cop here, you’ll get the shit kicked out of you so fast—especially in NDG. Later. [BLEEP!]

M To the pot smoker who got busted in NDG Park. I was born and raised in NDG and I still live here. I’ve been SWAT-teamed, had my door kicked down, fuckin’ been dragged out of my bed with guns to my head. And man, if we ever refused to give a cop our ID, man, we would have had the shit knocked out of us. I know that the cops aren’t half as bad as they used to be in NDG, but if the asshole knew what he was talking about, he would have known it’s the fucking law that you have to give ID. You have to carry it on you 24 hours a day. If I ever refused to give a cop my ID, I’d be arrested in no time flat. From NDG and from Montreal. Later. [BLEEP!]

M This is concerning Jamaican swear words. I would like to say to the people who are trying to define Jamaican swear words that they are full of shit, because bumbaclot does not mean a cloth to wipe your bum. Jamaicans don’t use the word BUM to describe ASS in Jamaica. Two, blood clot does not mean a tampon. How do I know this? Because I lived there for 13 fucking years! I am Jamaican, but I bet most of the people who are calling are NOT Jamaican. And when I say not Jamaican, I don’t care if your parents were born there. If you were born here, you are not Jamaican. Okay? Anyway, bumbaclot doesn’t mean anything. Blood clot don’t mean anything. These are words you don’t use around your parents. These are words you don’t use with your teachers. These are words you don’t put in a printed newspaper and these are words you don’t use on the radio or TV. They are swear words, they’re taboo. They denote when you’re angry. For example: “He’s going on in a certain blood clot way.” That means he’s acting fucked up. It’s just emphasis on what you’re going to say. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F Come on, GIRLS OF THE RANT LINE™, you should have an opinion about bands, music, shows or records. Stop asking about Jamaican words related to menstruation, just ask a real Jamaican or look in a dictionary or on the Internet. And for the girl who’s asking where to get a bikini wax job, just look in your local phone book! Come on, girls, be more INTELLIGENT. So my personal opinion of the week is that some people should get more educated about music icons like Johnny Cash, for example, or the Beatles or the Clash—musicians who are pioneers of music. They made a lot of sacrifices, explored new sounds, new instruments. Those persons deserve respect. Stop thinking BRITNEY SPEARS created everything and get more educated about music. Please. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum