M This is for the girl who wanted to know about the meaning of BUMBACLOT. I'm not Jamaican but I've been in a reggae band and, as far as I know, it means blood cloth as in a rag. Love it, man. Cool. Cheers. [BLEEP!]

F From what I know, bumbaclot is something to do with CONSTIPATION. So, yeah, bye. [BLEEP!]

F Yeah, bumbaclot means toilet paper. Figure that one out. [BLEEP!]

M Basically the word bumbaclot means something like fuck you. It's like saying "fuck you," so yeah, fuck you. [BLEEP!]

M Bumbaclot is a cloth that you use to CLEAN YOUR BUM. Pussyclot is a cloth that you use to clean your pussy. Blood clot is not a heart attack and has nothing to do with a heart attack - it's the tampon that you actually put inside the vagina, which means that it does have something to do with menstruation. By the way, for all you all uneducated fools out there, the Jamaican language is called patois. Thank you, pussyclot. Get out the box, y'all. [BLEEP!]

F Hi, this is Liz, the prime minister of Travesty Theatre. In response to that rant two weeks ago, it's true we've been laying low for a while because our queen, Alison, has been studying Indian theatre in India. We're going to be mounting a brand new Dead Dolls Cabaret in November, so if you're an actor who is interested in offending yourself and all those around you, please call me at 369-6340. Also, anyone can check out our Indie Theatre Times and Review, the only independent theatre publication in Montreal. And p.s. - we promise free tickets to any members of the Fluff Girls. We support all burlesque in Montreal! [BLEEP!]

F I am looking for open mics and places where I can sing my little heart out and bother people with my poetry. If any of you know of such places, particularly places where people aren't all DRUNK or HIGH, please let me know. I am desperately looking for these places and they're not that easy to find. [BLEEP!]

F Hi. I just got in from riding my bike on the Lachine Canal and it inspired me to rant. I'd like all of the morons trying to learn how to ROLLER BLADE on the Lachine Canal to keep their chins up and stop causing so many goddamn accidents. For Christ's sake, go learn to roller blade in the parking lot! The Lachine Canal is an artery for alternative transport like cyclists and people who already know how to roller blade!! Don't try to learn on a little three-foot-wide pathway that is used by cyclists who speed, morons. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is a DRUNKEN SKINHEAD calling from NDG and I just wanted to let you know I had a great time today up on the mountain. The Tam Tams were happening and the girls were dancing around topless and I really had a great time. It was a really great day. [BLEEP!]

M I'd like to say that I like Montreal quite a bit and what I like about it is that it's a SEXLESS SOCIETY. There's no sex in Montreal, man. I've talked to hundreds of people here, man, and basically, there is no nothing going on. And that's a good thing. [BLEEP!]

M I have this to say. For all the people out there who be shopping in the fucking dollar store, I'm sure you'll agree with me. We need to have some fucking SEGREGATION in the dollar store between the people who go in and buy just a few little fucking things - like normal people - and the people who go up and buy the whole fucking store and be coming to the cash with eight carts loaded full of shit! I just spent a half an hour behind this woman who was trying to buy out the whole goddamn store worth of bullshit. It's a dollar store, you're not going to furnish your whole fucking house with the dollar store! All I'm saying is get a separate fucking cash for these fucking people. If they want to spend the whole day in line, that's fine, but I ain't trying to do that. I'm trying to buy two fucking chocolate bars, I don't need to wait behind the bitch that's buying $100 worth of shit at the dollar store. Thank you. I'm pissed and just go to hell. [BLEEP!]

F For the girl who ranted about there being too many skinny girls in Montreal. You say skinny, I say THIN. I'm really tired of people complaining about us. I'm just naturally thin and it really pisses me off to hear bad comments about it. It's pejorative. I mean, if you're thin it doesn't necessarily mean that you're starving yourself. And perhaps you're just taking it that way because you're fat and frustrated. That's all. [BLEEP!]

M To that BIG GIRL: if you're pudgy or maybe chubby, if you're anything like Bridget Jones or Maggie Cho, I'm a sweet-looking guy in my 20s and I'd like to take sweet care of your anus - but I have no idea how to meet you. What would you suggest? I am very much into rimming and fingering a real butt! [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum