It's the sort of things North Germans can't get enough of - another Bavarian did something stupid. Plagued by his self-described addiction to sex, a 41-year-old Waldshut-Tiengen man, his nerve raised by the ingestion of a bottle of vodka, grabbed a kitchen knife and cut off his penis.

Of course, the severing of one's penis is known to have rather sobering effects and shortly thereafter, the man called a pal of his in a panic to report that he'd "Scheiße gebaut habe" - literally, that he'd built shit; colloquially, that he'd screwed up.

Tipped off by the friend, police were dispatched to the man's home. They found him covered in blood, his penis on the floor under the kitchen table. Both were rushed to the hospital. Undeterred, the man then argued against having doctors re-attach his L'il Kaiser. It is unknown whether or not doctors complied with his wishes.

» Scott Saxon