M This goes out to the dude who ranted about CHOM last week. I've just got to say, wow, what a major revelation, dude. Incredible! Have you also just realized that water is wet? [BLEEP!]

M About all these people who always call up complaining about music and the scene in Montreal. Well, listen, Dream Theater comes to town and there isn't a word written in the press, not a word. Man, Mike Portnoy did this amazing little thing at Steve's and nobody ever even heard about it. So stop complaining about all the music and start seeing the real music. [BLEEP!]

F Hi, I've been reading this Mirror magazine for quite some time now but I've never called in to the Rant Line™. But I'm calling now because I think it's important that somebody says something. After taking a 15-minute bus drive and THROWING UP for the next half hour I think something must be said about the STENCH of certain people in Montreal. And even if only one person who stinks reads this and takes precautions to not smell that way, we would have a better society. Something has to be done to stop the stinky people. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F This is for that beautiful sexy 22-year-old girl who is madly in love with Angelina Jolie. I work at Ben and Jerry's on de Maisonneuve right near Crescent and she's been here at least four times. She usually comes in on a Tuesday or a Wednesday at around 4 o'clock. So yeah, you should come by, she's pretty hot. See you later. [BLEEP!]

F To the stupid chick who quit her job so she could see the sun. Listen, bitch, the rest of us, our parents don't pay our rent. Our SLEAZY BOYFRIENDS don't pay our rent. So we have to work. We have to work in winter, fall, summer and fucking spring! So get a fucking clue! [BLEEP!]

M I'm calling because I'm a POT SMOKER. I've smoked pot for about 10 years and I've come to a vast realization - everybody says weed is a non-serious drug and won't mess you up, but you know what? Weed is almost the worst drug, specifically because it is the only drug that you can take day in, day out for your whole life and still go to work and still function as a boyfriend or husband or whatever it is you do. But you will never progress anywhere! That's the fuckin' trick with weed, man. Like, man, if you have no purpose in life you can waste your days away smoking weed and that's fine. But if you're a person with some AMBITION, do not, repeat, do not, smoke marijuana on a daily basis! Because you'll just sit around and think about all the things that you should, or will, or would have done but never will do and it won't bother you because you're stoned and you're already satisfied. So be careful. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is the guy who asked the teenage lust question. I have to say I'm disappointed by the response to my rant. The girl who left the longest message attacking me actually ended up asking the same question I did: if people are so disgusted with grown men fucking teenage girls, then why is it legal? Why are teens considered RESPONSIBLE AGENTS when it comes to sex but not for drinking, driving, voting, serving in the army? It's a good question, but I already asked it. As for or the other two responses, they don't have their facts straight. There is nothing in the law about having to be 15 to fuck a 14 year old. If the kid is 13 then the other can't be more than 15, maybe that's what they're thinking about. But if the kid is 14 then it's an open field - so long as you're not, and I here I quote, "in a relation of trust and dependency." So if you are the kid's teacher, boss, guardian, FRIENDLY UNCLE, then no. But if you're the guy with muscles and a profile and she keeps looking at you, then yes. And here's an extra. It turns out that 14 and the age of consent does not apply to ANAL. That's 18. So gays get discriminated against once again. Of course all the legal experts who ranted don't know that because they've never heard of search engines. [BLEEP!]

M Stop the bullshit about the age of consent! Somebody should actually go and look this up in the Criminal Code - like I did! Criminal Code, Part 5, Section 151 and 152, states that the age of consent is 14 years of age. The age of consent is 18 years of age only in the case of someone who is in a position of authority or in the case of anal sex. I have this right in front of me. [BLEEP!]

M I'm just sitting out here watching everyone go by and you know what? Come out and see the 14 year olds! I don't care, man, the way they dress they're just asking for TROUBLE. I know that statutory rape is statutory rape, but come on, go check out the girls. I mean, come on. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum