M Yeah, this is a message for the person who was looking for some serious electroclash. Well, we got an event that’s at Saphir. It goes down every Tuesday. It’s hosted by some guys called My World Developments with Dr. Gulag - very sick DJ, intense stuff when he spins. He gets some vintage action going on! [BLEEP!]

M Electroclash. We’ve got the bash. Come get smashed. Bring your cash. Sunday, July 20, at Blu, 1426 Stanley. [BLEEP!]

M I’m sitting here at Euro-Deli the day after the Gotan Project show at the Metropolis. It was so amazing, from the very first second we walked in! By the way, I hate the fucking Jazz Fest, man, and their goddamn clocks - they’ve got their shows starting at 9 o’clock and not 9:01, I hate that shit. But the main point is that the Gotan Project is the fucking best band in the whole fucking WORLD right now and everyone in Montreal who was at that show knows it. Over. [BLEEP!]

M The people at CHOM are a bunch of suitand- tie, corporate hypocrites who don’t know true music - they criticize street performers and metro performers and do not classify them as ARTISTS. Well, a lot of the classic rock artists who they play were at one time playing on the street. Obviously this radio station is just in it for the CASH and that’s it. [BLEEP!]

F I’m just calling because it is now Sunday morning and I officially hate myself more than I did before. I’m just wondering if anyone has a clue as to why the fuck Saturday night is supposed to be so great. [BLEEP!]

F Hey, this is Sandy calling and I’m not ranting, I’m calling to say that I quit my job and I’m just noticing that Montreal’s got some amazing SUNSETS. So quit your job because no one should work in the summer. [BLEEP!]

M [sounding somber, depressed] Yeah, this is a kind of a rant. I don’t know if you people speak English or not but the whole planet is on DEATH ROW. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

F I am a 22-year-old beautiful sexy girl and I’m madly in love with Angelina Jolie. She’s in the city and if anybody can help me find her, that would be extremely appreciated. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, I’m calling about the guy who left the message on the Rant Line™ last fall about the fat squirrels. I wanted to say that, thanks to his prediction, I was ready and prepared for the long cold winter that we just went through. Every time I read the Rant Line™ and he’s got a little thing in it, I find I learn a little bit more about nature and the weather. So now I’m suggest that you give him his own column. [BLEEP!]

F I just want to tell you, Mr. Weather Predictor with the fat squirrels and the pigeons, that you are beautiful and I love you. You are filled with wisdom and are benevolent and you share these things with us and we learn. I’m just filled with happiness every time I think of you. [BLEEP!]

F This is a comment and a question about adults having SEX WITH MINORS. To the guy who thinks it’s okay for a man to have sex with a child, you obviously have no kids. Men like you disgust me. You’re not man enough to satisfy a REAL WOMAN so you go after children. The law says that anyone under 18 is a minor. They are still their parents’ responsibility. So the next time you want to have sex with a 14 year old, why don’t you have supper with their parents and ask them if it’s okay for you to fuck their daughter, as you say in your rant? As a general rule, 14-year-old girls are still INNOCENT. They’re naïve, they need love, affection and attention. I’m not sure if it’s legal to have sex at 14, but here’s my question: if it is legal, then can somebody explain to me the logic behind it? Because you can’t drink until you’re 18. I’d rather my daughter come home drunk at 14 than come home and tell me she’s had sex with a man who’s 40 years old and she might have an STD or she might be pregnant. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M This is for the guy who said that the age of consent was 14 in Canada. Listen, buddy, I don’t want to rain on your parade but the age of consent is 16. It is only 14 if the other person is 16. So, basically, go ahead and fuck 15 year olds and I bet we’ll see your face on primetime soon. [BLEEP!]

F For the guy inspired by "Schoolgirl lust." Dude, you’re grossly misinformed. 14 years old is not the age of consent. 14 years old is only if your partner is also under 18. If your partner is under 18 and you’re over 18 - as you are - that’s STATUTORY RAPE. Thanks. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum