by CHRIS BARRY

Listening to a recovering drug addict ramble on about their junkie days can be about as much fun as your average NA or Al-Anon meeting. Some might suggest that if there’s anything worse than the company of conniving, sorry-assed junkies, it’s being stuck with some pious all-knowing ex-addict who wants to talk your ear off about the evils of drugs and how one must go about finding the path to righteousness. In his one man show, Addicted: A Comedy of Substance, however, Californian former dope fiend and criminal Mark Lundholm blissfully manages to steer clear of anti-dope proselytizing to present what is, in fact, a very funny and at times quite poignant recounting of his days as a homeless, miserable drug addict. The Mirror spoke to him earlier this week.

Mirror: How long were you strung out for?

Mark Lundholm: Oh shoot, seriously for about nine years, I suppose. You know, I’d dabbled before that, sold it, did it, played with it, stopped it, that kind of thing. I got hardcore when I was about 20.

M: On what? Junk?

ML: No, mostly coke, crank. Heroin was always just to calm down and put my game face on so I wouldn’t be banging off the walls when I tried to put the move on [i.e. hustle] somebody.

M: Were you doing stand-up while you were strung-out, or did this career only come about afterwards?

ML: No, I first started volunteering to do stand-up while I was living in a halfway house in 1988. I just had the urge to audition for this variety show - all made up of recovering people - that was going to tour jails, prisons and halfway houses.

M: Goddamn, that sounds like the worst possible show ever!

ML: Well, yeah, it was horrible at times, really syrupy in places. But the stand-up was the most popular part of the show because humour is just so unavailable in these places. You don’t get a lot of it in jail. You have to make humour for yourself in there. So people would just piss themselves because it was actually being brought to them. Unheard of! And back then I wasn’t even very good. But I’m good now.

NONE OF A PREACHER MAN

M: From what I’ve seen of Addicted, it appears to be mercifully free of preaching and "drugs are bad" rhetoric. Thank God, but…

ML: Well, there was a danger when I wrote this about sounding preachy or like I know shit. I don’t know anything. Except how to sabotage success - or spend your money. This I’m good at. Or finish the bag. I can do that too. My big fear was that people were going to go, "Oh, he knows something. Now teach us, boy." But I don’t. Yes, there are messages in the play, but I don’t point them out. It’s very subtle. And it’s not really about the obvious addictions. It’s about addictions to ego, relationships, work, you know, I even talk about golf in this show.

M: Hey, how did you get clean anyway? Did you do time?

ML: I did some jail time, yeah, but that didn’t work either. I got clean after putting a gun in my mouth, pulling the trigger, and it didn’t go off. The next day I was clean and I’ve been clean ever since.

M: Now that you’re hitting the big time, are old drug associates or other people - out of jealousy perhaps - saying stuff behind your back or coming up to you on the street and going "You fuckin’ suck!" for no apparent good reason?

ML: If they think that then so far they’ve kept it to themselves. And I think there’s a good reason for that. I think they know that I’m not right in the head. And the last thing you want to do is piss somebody off who doesn’t think right.

M: And you’re a pretty big guy, right?

ML: A person may be big, but in jail, for instance, I was never scared of the 6-foot-6, 300-pound guy. He punches you in the head, he knows you’re down and that’s it. I was afraid of the 5-foot-4 guy who would throw gasoline on your head when you were sleeping and light you on fire. That guy was serious. I’ve always been afraid of the guy who can outthink me. I think after people see my video or listen to the CD they come to the conclusion that "Mark doesn’t think right, I’m not sure that I want him mad at me."

ADDICTED IS PART OF THE JUST FOR LAUGHS ON THE EDGE SERIES, JULY 15, 18 & 20, 9:30PM AND JULY 19, 3PM, AT THE CENTAUR THEATRE (453 STFRANÇOIS- XAVIER), $17.50

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