DIALECT DRUG: How do you pronounce "Texas?" What do you call the area of grass between the sidewalk and the road? Is it a sub, a hero, a hoagie, a grinder, a foot-long or a po’boy? What do you call that stuff that accumulates in your eyes when you sleep? Crusties? Eye boogers? Depending on where you’re from, you’ll answer differently. Some Harvard guys mapped it out at www.hcs.harvard.edu/~golder/dialect/.

RIGHT SCOOP: Are you sick of Ben and Jerry’s wishy-washy liberal politics? Are you a staunch conservative who’d like to enjoy a tasty frozen dessert without supporting water conservation and animal rights? Star Spangled Ice Cream offers flavours like "Iraqi Road," "Smaller GovernMint" and "I Hate The French Vanilla." It’s a real company, and ironically their ice cream is laced with preservatives, artificial flavours and tropical oils - unlike their all-natural hippie-dippie competition. Ten per cent of the profits from your order go to charities that support the U.S. military at www.starspangledicecream.com.

Comments? Michael Citrome