DEAR SASHA: I’ve been with my boyfriend for more than three years and we’re talking about the possibility of getting married. The problem is, during the past three years, I’ve gotten into the habit of faking orgasms on a regular basis. It started out pretty innocently - I just wanted to excite him. But three years of faking is getting tiring and frustrating. Now marriage is a possibility and I do not want to be faking for the rest of my life. Do I tell him? Do I suddenly claim that everything that had previously elicited a dramatic sexual response doesn’t work anymore? » Lila/Liar

Dear L/L,
Undoubtedly this fellow wants to marry you for more than your histrionic sex performances, and if he doesn’t, then you’re going to want to find that out now. Imagine telling him, "By the way, I’ve been hollering for nothing," and he says, "So what? Keep ’em comin’ girl! No pun intended!" You want to know that he’s going to be up for putting in the effort it takes to get the real thing out of you.

Here’s the complication: you’ve created a predicament that has the capacity to generate a lot of insecurity upon disclosure, but it is not exceptional. Orgasm faking is one of the number one topics in the letters I get.

Your best bet is to depersonalize the situation. Talk to him about why women fake orgasms, and if you’re not to clear on that yourself, here are some good ones: We are afraid of appearing sexually difficult and yet we also live in fear of appearing sexually easy. We are forever trying to appease the fragile male ego, thereby appeasing our own, thereby creating ridiculous situations like this. Not long ago in our sexual history we were told not to enjoy sex. Our bodies are mysteries even to us. Ask him if he’d care to discover the mystery of yours with you. That’s pretty sexy, don’t you think?

DEAR SASHA: I have a spanking fantasy, but I’m not interested in the club scene or public performances or in cages and chains. Classified ads, phone ads and the Internet (straight and gay, in both official languages) don’t seem to cut it - I’ve had exactly one encounter in the four years since I decided to pursue my fantasy (it was good but could not be repeated). How does one avoid predators and insincere so-called professionals and find people who enjoy kink for kink’s sake? Any thoughts, suggestions or referrals would be most appreciated. » An Ro

Dear An Ro,
If you want to avoid insincere professionals, all you have to do is not pull out your cash or credit card when it comes to that portion of the transaction. Usually that occurs before anything transpires. I mean seriously, are prostitutes leaping out at you rubbing their hands together greedily, pretending to be non-professionals and then charging you afterwards?

As for predators and creepy people, come on, use your noodle here. Your sexual path is no different than anyone else’s. In pursuing your desire, you will have some bad experiences. Yes indeed, there are some crazy motherfuckers out there. But you’re asking me how to go about satisfying your sexual proclivity without having to confront or deal with any snags. Who the hell gets that? No matter what you want, you just have to get out there and put your ass on the line.

DEAR SASHA: I believe I saw in your column some time ago someone asking about solutions for women who have ejaculations to avoid changing the bed every six months. Of course, any alternative to crunchy plastic sheets would be appreciated. Unfortunately, I cannot recall your reply. » Effennel

Dear Effennel,
I recommend the Maison André Viger store (6700 St-Denis). The Web site offers photos of the many options available, and it’s at www.andreviger.qc.ca.

Got any questions for Sasha? Write her at
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