by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Gilles Brière

Nickname: Foulou

Age: 42

Occupation: Mall choochoo-train conductor

Bio: This self-described "sedentary bohemian" and former small town radio announcer was working as a mall Santa in Repentigny when first introduced to the joys of electric train conducting by that mall's designated rail man. Travelling around central Canada, conducting his train at street fairs, malls, festivals and the like, he regularly rides the rails at Cavendish Mall, claims the money is good, the hours flexible, and that, for him, choochoo-train conducting is "almost like a spiritual experience." Also an actor and professional MC, he absolutely adores his train gig and is quite possibly the happiest mall worker in the history of shopping. "When you have kids riding your train going, ‘Wow, this is a great ride,' well, it just makes you feel so wonderful. Sometimes it gives me goosebumps. Hey, I have the most important job in the world. I make people happy."

Has he ever run anybody over with his train? Never.

Has he ever wanted to? "Of course - usually the teenagers who stand in front of my train trying to block my way. But they're all good kids, they just need attention. Teenagers will be teenagers."

Is his train ride a big hit with the mentally challenged people who seem to be a fixture at malls the world over? Not especially.

How he deals with people who think his train is their own personal mall taxi and demand that he make unscheduled stops along his route: "Well, if it isn't a busy day I'll usually bend the rules for them. As a joke I will play the limousine guy, stop, open the door for them, take my conductor cap off, blow my whistle and go, ‘Okay everybody, VIP customer coming through' or something like that. I try to make it fun."

Does he ever get tips? Sometimes. "But I won't usually accept them. This is not a business for tips and I don't want people feeling obliged to tip me."

Do mall chicks ever flirt with him, an attractive man in a train conductor uniform, offering up some primo downblouse viewing action while they load their toddlers onto his train? "In Cavendish Mall, never. But it does happen occasionally at festivals - usually when there is alcohol involved."

Something that he tries to do: Go to at least one Québécois film every month.

One recent film he hated: Malibu's Most Wanted.

Last book read: Le Livre noir du Canada anglais, by Norman Lester.

Musical preferences: "Well, I'm not really into music but I like things with meaning, artists like Richard Desjardins, Dan Bigras or even Ginette Reno for that matter."

Current ambition: To get out to more auditions and further pursue his acting career.

Favourite alcoholic beverage: Blanche de Chambly beer. "It's the very best beer in the world, you know."

Words of wisdom: "The repetition of small things, like making somebody smile, will ultimately produce so much more than the decisions made by governments."

Comments? dimwit@openface.ca