M Hey, this is Eric B, the producer of the loft party that took place April 26 with DJs Christelle and Dubline. I have a few comments to make. I just want to say I'm sorry to all the people who came and had issues with things like taking your SHOES off or having a mark put on your hand so we can know that you paid. Let me just say we're not a bar, we're not Sala Rossa. This is a kick back and relax because you're in good company, bienvenue chez-moi, good old-fashioned house party. We're trying to create something different, give people an alternative so they don't have to get smoked out every time they go dancing. So that we can be with people of like mind. We're just trying to bring things a bit deeper. Those who know where it's at will appreciate this and it's only gonna grow because the Mile-End Montreal scene is thirsty for it. I wanna thank everybody who came out, who supported us. I invite everybody to the next one, we have lots of funky, phat, fresh DJs coming out each time. So we hope to see you all there and peace. [BLEEP!]

M This is to the OLD GUY defending all the lazy musicians in this city. I guess my last rant flew right over your head because my point was that programs like welfare and medicare shouldn't be abused. If you're a single mother with three kids and you lose your job, by all means go on welfare. But if you don't want to work because you love to play guitar, then fuck you. That's my point. And what's with the "You sound like you're from Toronto" stuff? Making fun of Toronto isn't clever anymore, it's just old - like you. I'm born and raised PQ style, jusqu'au bout. Alors, the next time your progressive indie rock alternative ska band plays the Barfly, let me know and I'll check you out. Catch you later, old timer. [BLEEP!]

F Where are all the kick-ass talented unique musicians? Where are you guys hiding? I'm getting really upset. I'm having so much trouble finding musicians - professional musicians. I've been either meeting potheads too stoned to play, PRETENTIOUS GEEKS, rockers who look good but with no talent, schoolboy nerds who don't have any soul. Come on, there must be some really cool awesome musicians out there - but where? Is there any place that musicians can meet up and jam without being involved in a specific clique till early in the morning? Please help me. I'm really serious and I practice every day. [BLEEP!]

M I think the opinion on the local music scene is pretty good. Myself I'm a METAL fan of bands like Oblivion, Martyr, Ghoulunatics, Barf and Voivod - can't forget Voivod. And there's a new band called Jaded who need some attention. They've been around for about three years and they're pretty good, check them out at www.jadedband.com. When you've got stuff going on in the metal scene like Jason Newsted joining Voivod, you know that the inspiration's gonna be around for other musicians to let it out and go fucking NUTS. So a hearty fucking thumbs up to all other metalheads! But I gotta make one complaint to all the those wannabe Hieronymous and Danny Filth goth people at black metal shows - come as yourself, man, don't come as someone else. There's just too many fucking stupid people out there. Here's to metal! [BLEEP!]

M This is a rant about the BUZZ radio station in Burlington and their ads. It's 2:30 in the morning and they just played some really good MOBY and I'm listening to it and, probably like a bunch of other people, I'm stoned out of my mind and really enjoying the buzz. Then they go and play some ads for some brain enhancers and some other bullshit. That's what's wrong. They're trying to be edgy and hardcore and not mainstream and then they go and play ads in between the really good tunes and hope that we just get BRAINWASHED by them. That's just not cool. Love to all my other Montrealers and, please, do something about this. Spread the word. Let the BUZZ know that commercials aren't cool! [BLEEP!]

M It's great, eh? They're gonna legalize small amounts of marijuana and the government's going into the drug business because they're going after all the traffickers. Because they want the money, eh? Life is about PROFIT now and nothing else matters but making a profit. [getting angry] The profiteers rule! Profit, profit, profit! Don't forget that. We have no purpose in this world but to make a profit for the capitalists - Bush and his gang. [BLEEP!]

M I'd like to know where I could get waxed by a female naked aesthetician. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, an UNEDUCATED VIRGIN female friend of mine and I were having a debate over what it is exactly that makes women bleed when they lose their virginity. Is it the breaking of the hymen, are bones displaced or is it something else? Any perspective, scientific or witty, would be greatly appreciated. Preferably from those who've had some first time experience. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum