Nightlife

Best dance club

1. Jet
2. Parking
3. Exit
4. Element
5. Dôme
6. Unity 2
7. Sona
8. Tokyo
9. Foufounes Électriques
10. Stereo

Jet takes the top slot again, but on its tail are two newcomers - Parking, on the strength of DJ Frigid's Overdose night, and Exit, home to Christian Pronovost's Go Deep! soirées.

Best club night

1. Therapy (Jello, Thursdays)
2. Flight (Fridays at Jet)
3. Overdose (Thursdays at le Parking)
4. Back to Basics (Saturdays at Blue Dog)
5. Go Deep! (Saturdays at Exit)
6. L'Eighties Night (Thursdays at Jupiter Room)
7. Ripper Skate Night (Wednesdays at Foufounes Électriques)
8. Panic (Fridays at Saphir)
9. Saturdays at Blu
10. I Love Neon events

GotSoul's Therapy takes best night to match their best label accolades, while Jet's Flight makes a smooth landing at second. Take note that a lot of you voted for Friday, Thursday, Saturday and even Monday as preferred club night, which suggests that many Montrealers are generally up for whatevah. Oh, and honourable mention goes out to Karaoke Thursdays at East Side Marios!

Best afterhours

1. Sona
2. Aria
3. Stereo
4. Red Light
5. Groove Society

If the city gets its way, this is a category likely to shrink all too soon.

Best live venue

1. Club Soda
2. Spectrum
3. Metropolis
4. Cabaret
5. Le Swimming
6. La Sala Rossa
7. Casa del Popolo
8. Foufounes Électriques
9. Le Medley
10. l'X

Best watering hole

1. Brutopia
2. Bifteck
3. Cock & Bull
4. Peel Pub
5. Carlos & Pepes
6. Grumpy's
7. Mad Hatter's
8. McKibbin's
9. Copacabana
10. Dieu du Ciel

Special mention: The Green Hornet Tavern in Pointe-Claire

Best terrasse

1. St-Sulpice
2. Pub Ste-Elisabeth
3. 737
4. Thursday's
5. Foufounes Électriques
6. Winnie's
7. Tokyo
8. Santropol
9. Vol de Nuit
10. Sir Winston

Best pool hall

1. Sharx
2. Le Swimming
3. Le Skratch
4. Fats
5. Rack 'N' Roll
6. Le Break
7. Bacci
8. Sharkey's
9. Jillian's
10. Maz

Best bowling alley

1. Rose Bowl
2. Sharx
3. Paré Lanes
4. Laurentian Lanes
5. Jillian's
6. Quilles International
7. Bowl-o-Drome
8. Cosmodome
9. Valois Lanes
10 Bowling St-Alphonse

Best happy hour

1. Carlos & Pepes
2. Peel Pub
3. Brutopia
4. Newtown
5. Thursday's
6. Cheers
7. Copacabana
8. Foufounes Électriques
9. Mexicali Rosa's
10. Sky

Best gay bar

1. Sky
2. Unity 2
3. Parking
4. Cabaret Mado
5. Drugstore
6. Stereo
7. Stud
8. Campus
9. Agora
10. Liquor Store

Best lesbian bar

1. Magnolia
2. Sisters
3. Sky
4. Unity 2
5. Drugstore
6. Meow Mix nights
7. "Not exactly lesbian, but l'Axe on St-Denis sure has a lot"

Best pickup spot

1. Thursday's
2. Cheers
3. Jet
4. On Crescent
5. On Ste-Catherine
6. On St-Laurent
7. Gogo Lounge
8. Cock & Bull
9. Dome
10. Le Parking

Some of the more creative suggestions in this amorous category include the chat room of www.montrealshows.com (geek love!), the Tam-Tams (if dreadlocks, drums and dank turn you on) and, for the price-conscious, Village des Valeurs. We particularly like the Palais de Justice idea - "everyone always dresses their best" - but cheers to whoever said that Montreal's best pickup spot is "anywhere! Man, this is Montreal in spring - everyone wants to fuck!"

Best strip club

1. Super Sexe
2. Chez Parée
3. Wanda's
4. 281
5. Solid Gold
6. Teazers
7. Amazon
8. Downtown
9. Stock
10. Grand Prix

While some of our classier respondents know precisely where their boobs-in-face budget is headed, others chose "anywhere without saggy tits," "any with a buffet" and "any skanky one will do."

Best rave/party

1. Bal en Blanc
2. Black & Blue
3. Cream
4. Arrival
5. Cloud
6. Swirl
7. Scotty & Tony's
8. Rave Montreal 9
9. Push the Limit
10. In Da Jungle

Some telling replies in this department: "Wow, is it 1993?" and "People still rave? How come no one told me?"

Best jazz bar

1. Biddle's
2. Upstairs
3. Jello
4. Casa del Popolo
5. Le Swimming
6. B'Bops
7. Sofa
8. l'Escogriffe
9. Quartier Latin
10. Koji Kaizen

Best lounge

1. Luba
2. Kafein
3. Gogo
4. Typhoon
5. Jello
6. Sofa
7. Wax
8. Blizzarts
9. Bubbles
10. Quartier Latin

Best drink

1. Beer
2. Sex on the Beach
3. Cosmopolitan
4. Smirnoff Ice
5. Gin & tonic
6. Water
7. Vodka
8. Mojito
9. Rum & Coke
10. Amaretto sour

Although beer - just beer in general - came out far and ahead as this town's preferred poison, we seem to know what we're doing at the bar, don't we? Beyond what's above, voters announced a fondness for sangria, Fuzzy Navel, Liquid Cocaine, milk, stout, champagne, cider, Bloody Mary, apple juice, Singapore Slings, Red Bull with soda and a shot or two of Jägermeister, plum wine, Black Russian, vodka with just about anything (on the rocks, with soda, with lime, with cran-pineapple, with Guru) and one we're liking the idea of, the Irish Mudwrestler (1 pint Guinness, 1 shot espresso, 1 shot Jameson's). As for the one sad fool who voted for Molson Ex… what ails you?!

Best drug

1. Pot
2. Ecstasy
3. Mushrooms
4. Cocaine
5. Speed
6. GHB
7. Hash
8. Mescaline
9. Alcohol
10. Adrenaline

Some dinks got all cutesy-poo and suggested "love," "life," "smiling" and "success" in this category. This indicates to us that they've clearly never banged a cocktail of China white and Peruvian blue-flake in their arms while huffing ether-soaked dishrags, gargling Lysol and riding the fractals from the tabs crammed up their asses. Now that, you deluded fools, is living life. One character suggested "boiling the cotton from Flintstones vitamin bottles and shooting it," which we promise we'll look into.

Best hangover remedy

1. Water
2. Sleep
3. Beer
4. Sex
5. More alcohol
6. Pot
7. Tylenol/Aspirin
8. Gatorade
9. Tomato juice
10. Breakfast at Cosmos

Here's some more you might want to clip and stick on your fridge, just in case: "Perrier, plain yoghurt and plenty of Advils," "white wine spritzer followed by ginger beer," "sniffing paprika," "B-complex vitamins," "raw eggs," "masturbating to Enya" and "suicide."

Best bartender

1. Gern F. at Brutopia
2. Karl at Parking
3. Elaine at Brutopia
4. Gigi at Jet
5. Sami at Blue Dog
6. Mathieu
7. Veronica at Extreme
8. Arlen at Biftek
9. Kim at Barfly
10. Sam at Jet

Best pickup line

1. Hello
2. Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
3. How you doing?
4. Love your hair
5. Can I buy you a beer?

Honourable mentions: I want to be the cow that grazes in your field • I think I pulled my groin • I shat twice today • I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you • I bet you $20 that you will reject me tonight • I got two inches of hard cock for you • My name is Ninja Slut and I'm an action porn star • I've been waiting for a long time for someone like you to have sex with me • Do you like girls or guys? • Can I get you a juicy pussy? • Can I buy you a spatula? • Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the cash? • Please, please, please can we have sex? • Are you one of the Baldwin Brothers? • Are you William Shatner? • Hi, I can pick my nose with my tongue • Gimme your phone number now before I change my mind • Hello, I'm Todd Van der Hayden • You know, I m not a player, I'm actually looking for a real relationship

Sexiest French pickup line

1. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
2. Bonjour
3. Oh la la
4. Baise moi
5. Est-ce que je peux vous acheter une bière?

Honourable mentions: Stie que té hot • Penis, tout suite • Pourquoi ne pas aller chez moi pour un night cap, baby? • Manges-tu d'la poutine • La plume de ma tante est sur le bureau de mon oncle - voulez vous l'investiger avec moi? • Excuse-moi, je suis un anglophone stupide • J'suis pas fif • Je suis un DJ

Best place to get hit on by a jerk

1. Crescent
2. Peel Pub
3. Cheers
4. Thursday's
5. Sir Winston Churchill
6. Brutopia
7. Dome
8. Lover's
9. Angel's
10. Sona

Best drag queen

1. Mado
2. Sheena Hershey
3. Plastik Patrik
4. Venus
5. Kiki

Honourable Mentions: Manny, Kiet, Nana, Michel Dorion, Celine Dion, Mutsumi Takahashi, Louise Beaudoin and "My dad on the weekend."

Mado reigns supreme once again, having topped our A-list of Montreal cross-dressers. The timing is good, as this month marked the one-year anniversary of the launch of her drag club, Cabaret Mado, which attracts gay, straight and miscellaneous drag enthusiasts, who gather to shriek karaoke and celebrate all things cross-genderific. And it seems making a movie really can make a big difference in a queen's public standing; the new addition this year is Sheena Hershey (Brian Warren), star of Saved by the Belles.

Best man/woman about town

1. Inobe
2. Fat Sak
3. Lee-Lee L'Amour
4. Plastik Patrik
5. Madd Harold
6. Louis Rastelli
7. Mado Lamotte
8. Sherwin Tjia
9. Lisa Gamble
10. T'Cha Dunlevy

Soul Call TV personality and all-around impresario Inobe is this year's most popular scenester, followed by hip hop up-and-comer Fat Sak.