Montrealers

Montrealer closest to sainthood

1. Father Emmett "Pops" Johns
2. Saku Koivu
3. Leonard Cohen
4. Frère André
5. Maurice Richard
6. Mordecai Richler
7. Pierre E. Trudeau
8. Charlie Biddle
9. Gabriel Morency
10. Rufus Wainwright

Honourable mentions: Jean Charest • Nick Auf der Maur • Bryna Wasserman

Some old and new names here this year. Father Emmett "Pops" Johns of Le Bon Dieu dans la rue is a constant and decisive shoo-in, while Saku and Cohen keep their respective spots. More famous dead Montrealers haunt us this year than ever, although only Frère André, who founded St. Joseph's, and PET were late Montrealers on the list last year.

Montrealer closest to hell

1. Pierre Bourque
2. Gérald Tremblay
3. Celine Dion
4. Bernard Landry
5. Patrice Brisebois
6. Mom Boucher
7. Brian Mulroney
8. Jacques Parizeau
9. Louise Beaudoin
10. David Castelli

Honourable mentions: Jean Charest • Jack Todd • all politicians/mayors.

Politicians, for some reason, are always big in this category, although this year, our elected representatives over-represent: seven of the hell-bound held or hold public office. Montrealers apparently hold grudges too, as six of this year's picks are appear again from last year. New are the Breezer, Mulroney, Parizeau (presumably for his campaign efforts, more of which below), Beaudoin, Charest and hysterical sports columnist Todd.

Most desirable man

1. José Théodore
2. Rufus Wainwright
3. Vladimir Guerrero
3. James DiSalvio
4. Plastik Patrik
5. Roch Voisine
6. Justin Trudeau
7. Sam Roberts
8. Claude Rajotte
9. Dj Frigid
10. Youppi!

Honourable mentions: Saku Koivu • Gérald Tremblay • Roy Dupuis

Okay, for the last time: David Usher does not live in Montreal anymore, and is hereby disqualified from ever appearing on this list again. That's it. Expos home run sensation Guerrero breaks into the top 10 for the first (and last?) time, as do Voisine, Trudeau, Roberts, Rajotte and Youppi! Drag queen faves Patrik and Frigid also return to hoist their tiaras.

Most desirable woman

1. Mitsou
2. Jessica Paré
3. Mutsumi Takahashi
4. Melissa Auf der Maur
5. Celine Dion
6. Véronique Cloutier
7. Jamie Orchard
8. Sweet Dominique
9. Virginie Coossa
10. Tangerine Dream

Honourable mentions: Sasha • Elisha Cuthbert • Izabelle Desjardins

Vedette queen Mitsou convincingly wins again, beating out repeats by Paré, Mits, Celine (blech!) and Orchard. Notable new faces on the beauty scene this year are Sweet Dominique, reputedly the most downloaded teen in Quebec, who would have won if spam was allowed to count, Coossa, who recently jumped from MusiquePlus to Radio-Canada, and Cloutier.

Best Montreal weirdo

1. Great Antonio
2. Spoon Man
3. Guy with the banana who hangs out on lower Crescent. "You know the drill: give me your money, honey."
4. Maysr
5. Mado
6. The guy and his travelling pets in Mile-End
7. June Sixth
8. Santosh
9. JoJo Savard
10. Celine Dion

Honourable mentions: Nantha Kumar • Accordion player outside of Pharmaprix on Ste-Catherine • Madness

Strongman/actor Antonio is back as the reigning poobah of the peculiar in Montreal, although familiar faces - Spoonman, Mado Lamotte, JoJo Savard, Celine - sit well among anonymous oddballs, writers and relatives.

Tackiest personality

1. Celine Dion
2. Mado Lamotte
3. JoJo Savard
4. Tommy Schnurmacher
5. Danette MacKay
6. Anyone at MusiquePlus
7. Jeff Picard
8. Anne-Marie Losique
9. Dom Castelli
10. Mosé Persico

It's good to see that the move to Vegas didn't detract from Celine's stranglehold as queen of fromage, especially when there are so many other notable entries. But it can be a fine line between kitsch comedy and gag-inducing poor taste. Just ask longtime list-makers JoJo, Mado, Tommy and Castelli or newcomers actress MacKay, Brutopia manager Picard and smarmy Mosé.

Best politician

1. Jean Charest
2. Marc-Boris St-Maurice
3. Gérald Tremblay
4. Amir Khadir
5. Mario Dumont
6. Pierre Bourque
7. Helen Fotopulos
8. Paul Martin
9. Brian Mulroney
10. Jean Chrétien

Montrealers seem to be in a bit more of a generous mood this year than last. Considering 2002's top answer ("There aren't any"), our brand-new premier may be in for a bit of a honeymoon with the electorate. Don't count on it lasting till next year, though. But do we detect some sympathy out there for neo-cons?

Political gaffe of the year

1. Landry's birds-and-mothers comment/anything Landry
2. Parizeau and the ghosts of ethnic votes past/anything Parizeau
3. Mergers
4. Mario Dumont blowing his lead/anything Dumont
5. Bourque going to the ADQ
6. War
7. Calling an election
8. Netanyahu at Concordia
9. Mayor hiring Darren Becker as press secretary
10. Demerger promises

Honourable mentions: Right on reds • Not siding with the U.S. in their war with Iraq • Booing the American anthem

This year the winner, by a mile, is former premier Landry and his un-wisecrack about birds being able to feed their young better than some single mothers. And if any one thing can be credited to the Liberal victory, it's Charest nailing Landry during the TV debate by bringing up Parizeau's unfortunate remark from 1995. Still, mergers, their after-effects and their potential undoing are all issues that will be giving the various governments headaches in the months and years to come.

Best political/social cause

1. Peace
2. Legalization of pot
3. Health care
4. Affordable housing
5. Save the Expos
6. AIDS
7. Education
8. Sovereignty
9. Homelessness
10. Chrétien's stance on staying out of the war

Loudest activist

1. Jaggi Singh
2. Linda Sullivan
3. All anti-war activists
4. Samer Elatrash/Stupid Concordia Palestinians
5. Concordia students/CSU
6. Hala Taher
7. Brent Tyler
8. Paul Cargnello
9. Laith Marouf
10. Marc-Boris St-Maurice

Jaggi Singh is again having a busy year: recently acquitted of charges of participating and leading the October 2000 G20 riot, he has another four cases ahead of him, in which he will be defending himself. New at number two is nursing activist Linda Sullivan, and the Palestinian-CSU connection has also been vocal, particularly on September 9.

Best dressed Montrealer

1. Rufus Wainwright
2. Ricky J
3. Christopher Plummer
4. Sam Roberts
5. Celine Dion
6. B'Ugo
7. Paul Cargnello
8. Pat McGee
9. Sase One
10. José Théodore

Again, David Usher is disqualified. Rufus wins this one, edging out Celine, dapper Plummer (who at least was born here) and newcomer DJ Ricky J. West Island rock darling Sam Roberts is off the podium, but just barely, while diva thing Celine is out-of-sight but not quite out-of-mind. Therapy DJ B'Ugo and local minstrels Cargnello and McGee (the drummer in Dr. Noh) all make their debuts in this category, while Habs goalie Théodore proves what a fat contract can buy you.

Best sports personality

1. Saku Koivu
2. Vladimir Guerrero
3. Gabriel Morency
4. Ron Reusch
5. José Théodore
6. Bruny Surin
7. Eric Lucas
8. Doug Gilmour
9. Frank Robinson
10. Anthony Calvillo

Saku is still the champ, in our hearts if not on the ice, having successfully beaten cancer, playing in every game last season for the first time since his rookie year and posting stellar points, with 20 goals and 51 assists. Guerrero is a popular number two, but with his contract expiring at the end of the year, may be gone by October.

Best radio show

1. Sports Rage, Team 990
2. Aaron and Tasso, Q92
3. Off the Hook, CKUT
4. Terry, Ted & Thumbs, CHOM
5. Ken and Cat, Mix 96
6. CypherQueenz, CKUT
7. Folk Roots/Folk Branches, CKUT
8. Brave New Waves, CBC
9. Lounge King, Mix 96
10. Y'é trop d'bonne heure, CKOI

Honourable mentions: Melnick in the Morning, Team 990 • Underground Sounds, CKUT • Thursday Show with Adam Reider, CIXS • Radioactif.com • Harvey Christ Radio Hour, CKUT

Best radio host

1. Gabriel Morency, Team 990
2. Terry DiMonte, CHOM
3. Mitch Melnick, Team 990
4. Ken & Cat, Mix 96
5. Aaron and Tasso, Q92
6. Mike Regenstreif, CKUT
7. Nat Lauzon, Mix 96
8. Tommy Schnurmacher, CJAD
9. Claude Rajotte, CHOM
10. Dave Bronstetter, CBC

Honourable mentions: Ted Tevan, Team 990 • Aaron Rand, Q92 • Peter Anthony Holder, CJAD

Gabriel Morency commanded his Mother Phantoms, Teamsters and Frigging Junior Teamsters to vote for him and they obeyed en masse, hoisting him and his show Sports Rage into the coveted top spot (see story). Terry Dimonte slips to number two, while Mitch Melnick, absent from last year's Top 10, rockets to number three. Could it be because he's playing less Dylan?

Rage on radio Team 990's Gabriel Morency has a mouth that roars but says callers are the stars When Gabriel Morency was first hauled home to Melrose Avenue in NDG 32 years ago, nobody said, "This child will be the one who finally brings punk sensibilities to sports talk radio." But somebody probably should have. A mere 16 years into his tender life, Morency found himself turning his back on his hockey hobby to tour with his band Corrupted Youth. "I was always like a metalhead-fuckin'-crossover-punker," says Morency, who grew up with a French father and an English mama. After a dozen years fronting another band, Homicide, Morency grabbed the talk radio mic 16 months back with his own brand of nightly nihilism on CFMB. Then, last November, the big leagues came calling. "The Team 990 was hurting for local broadcasting, their ratings were piss poor, they were simulcasting this crap from Toronto that nobody cared about," he says. "They took a chance on me because I was very controversial. I said horrible things on the radio." Morency was advised to apply to 990 with his tamest demo. Instead, "I gave them my most hardcore show in its entirety." He was rewarded with the Sports Rage program, which airs weeknights at 8 p.m. (these days it's on after baseball games). The show is his platform to target his personal villains, ranging from Expo-bashing local media to Shania Twain, whom he calls "a frizzy-haired DuMaurier-smoking Ontarian. The only difference between her and a hooker," he opines, "is none." The Wellington Street resident, whose grandfather played a few games with the Habs and whose uncle, Curt Brackenbury, once broke Mario Tremblay's nose, now brags that he logs more hours on air than any other local radio figure. He expects to uncork some bubbly when his first-ever rating book comes out forthwith. "On my show, the callers are the stars and the listener demographic is everybody," he says. "It's from little kids to 92-year-old ladies, because I say what other guys on the radio don't have the balls to say." » Kristian Gravenor

Best local newscast

1. CFCF
2. Global
3. CBC
4. 940 News
5. Off the Hour, CKUT

The top three are the same as last year, while 940 News replaces CJAD and Off the Hour edges out TQS. The many readers who recommended skipping local broadcasts and instead watching the American news, the BBC or Al-Jazeera were disqualified in the name of polling science.

Best talking head

1. Dennis Trudeau, CBC
2. Mutsumi Takahashi, CFCF
3. Bill Haugland, CFCF
4. Jamie Orchard, Global
5. Frank Cavallaro, CFCF
6. Tommy Schnurmacher, CJAD
7. Inobe, CH Horizon
8. Todd Van der Hayden, CFCF
9. Hudson Foga, 940 News
10. Pierre Maguire, Team 990/TSN

Last year's shocking winner Todd Van der Hayden slips dramatically into eighth spot, while Dennis Trudeau, fifth last year, claws his way over perennial favourite Mutsumi to grab the big carrot. Non-news guy Inobe, host of Soul Call, makes his debut this year, as does hockey fanatic Pierre Maguire.

Who is the greatest Montrealer of all time?

1. Pierre Elliott Trudeau
2. Leonard Cohen
3. Maurice Richard
4. Pops
5. William Shatner
6. Jean Drapeau
7. Nick Auf der Maur
8. Mordecai Richler
9. Mario Lemieux
10. Felipe Alou

Honourable mentions: Guy Lafleur • Rufus Wainwright • Charlie Biddle • Jean Leloup • Jean Beliveau • Oscar Peterson • René Lévesque • Mitsou • Patrick Roy • Brother André

And who is the worst?

1. Pierre Bourque
2. Celine Dion
3. Jacques Parizeau
4. William Shatner
5. Brian Mulroney
6. Patrice Brisebois
7. Jean Drapeau
8. Bernard Landry
9. Gérald Tremblay
10. Jack Todd

Dishonourable mentions: Marc Lepine • Lionel Groulx •JoJo Savard • Maurice Duplessis • Jeffrey Loria • Mom Boucher • Louise Beaudoin • Lucien Bouchard • Claude Brochu • Mario Tremblay