by LORRAINE CARPENTER

Attention all exhibitionists, eccentrics and closet thespians: one night, one stage, and one Colonel await you. On May 22, at Foufounes Électriques, Colonel Dom could make you a star. Yes, it's Colonel Dom's Amateur Freak Show, a night of fun and folly, a spectacle with the spirit of vaudeville, stupid human tricks and a circus sideshow.

"I'm actively recruiting people for the circus," says the rowdy ringmaster, better known to most as Mr. Domenic Castelli. "I believe everyone's got a talent, we all have our freaky thing that we do, and if it's in the back of your head and you think it'd be funny in a bar, give me a call. Colonel Dom will set you up."

From harebrained bar tricks to oddball skills to risqué business to lewd gross-outs, your idea can be integrated into this colossal show, a wall-to-wall theatre of the wacky and the bizarre. Even a nugget of an idea can blossom into a whole chicken with the guidance and encouragement of Colonel Dom.

"Think about it," says the Colonel. "What if we gave you lights? What if you had a chance to get up there on stage? What will happen? You'll never know unless you try it."

For a tantalizing taste of what's in store, Colonel Dom reveals some of the ideas already on the table:

"There's the dirty can-can, which I'm in the middle of choreographing. We've also got a plushy pillow fight - you know, people who get off on dressing up in animal costumes. That could turn into a fetish catfight where they strip half-way. There's also the half-naked sword fight, which I've yet to find recruits for."

Despite all this talk of (half) nudity, the Colonel stresses that stripping is not required.

"It could be something as simple as bouncing a dog," he says. "You know, that old 1920s vaudeville thing - dog goes up, dog goes down, dog goes up, dog goes down. We could have six people in a stupid human trick competition, where the crowd judges, and we'll douse the winner in whipped cream [cash prizes have also been mentioned]. Maybe we'll throw a rock band in there, or create our own backup band of freaks, if I can get everyone in tune. And we'll have characters in the crowd getting people riled up, a random, taking-off-your-clothes type thing."

Okay, we're back to stripping. But freak gymnasts, non-stop sneezers and folks with the longest boogers are welcome too, and despite the amateur nature of the program, the Colonel will accept a handful of pros for colour, not competition. Already on standby are a contortionist, a freaky burlesque dancer and a "hanging skin guy."

And to freaks-in-waiting who suffer from stage fright, the Colonel has this to say:

"Whooooa, be freaky 'cause it's summertime! It's been a hard winter for us all, we should just go out, forget about our insecurities and discover something new. And don't worry, I'm developing a character and a costume and I'll make an extra effort to be the biggest goofball on stage that night. Don't be shy."

Colonel Dom can be reached at
domenic@foufounes.qc.ca, or 844-5539

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