M This is about the Antibalas show that I saw last night. They absolutely rocked Montreal. This was the LIBERATION we have all wanted for a while. [BLEEP!]

F I'm a regular at Stereo afterhours and I'm just calling to say that I'm glad that Sona afterhours is finally closing because the girls that go there, the Japs and the Ginos, destroy the whole idea of the afterhours scene. Afterhours is all about the music and not about how good you look or how much you can SCORE in one night. So all you people out there who are going to pick up and score, try to remember it's about the music, the love and the vibe - not about what you look like. Peace out. [BLEEP!]

M Hi Rant Line™. This one's for the NAZI BITCH. Ha ha, sucker, you fucking got it now. You and all your bonehead friends got your ass kicked and ran away at Pub Jacques Cartier on Papineau and Ontario Saturday night. Next time, come with double forces and so will we. Nazi scum must die! So if you wanna bring it again, bring it again, you fat racist whore because we'll skin you and kill you. We chased you down the motherfucking streets. You got yours and you'll get it again. We're just lucky in this neighbourhood to have a band like the Uncivilized. [BLEEP!]

M Looks like Celine Dion has created this new line of perfume. It's bad enough we gotta hear and see the bitch, now we gotta smell her, too? What's next? Tasting that scrawny ass chick? [BLEEP!]

M I'm ranting about Internet discrimination. If you don't have the Internet you can't get half the shit that you can with it. This is pissing me off, man. "E-mail your request in to 99.9 the Buzz." Why can't I phone it in, man? I don't have the Internet. I'm too poor to afford decent CDs and that's why I listen to the fucking radio! What makes them think that I can afford the Internet? If I had the Internet I wouldn't be listening to the BUZZ in the first place, I'd be downloading from Kazaa, man. This is pissing me off. [BLEEP!]

F I'm glad guys are finally starting to see the light and are realizing Commandment Number Two: thou SHALL bend down to all the hot girls with personality and style who ARE all that. And quit wasting your time with those snobby, average-faced, granny sweatshirt wearing girls with bad teeth. Amen. [BLEEP!]

M I've noticed the last few weeks there's been a lot of talk about midget prostitutes, women looking for straight male prostitutes, even big fat black prostitutes. First off, I gotta tell you, when it comes to straight male prostitutes, it's an oxymoron. Most male prostitutes are gay because all their clientele are men! If I was a woman and I wanted to get fucked, I'd just get fucked. I wouldn't want to pay. If you're a woman and you actually have to pay to have sex, you must be the biggest BOWSER on earth. Secondly, midget prostitutes. What kind of freak would want to fuck a midget? Plus paying for it?! Come on! The same goes for paying for big fat prostitutes. Who's gonna pay for a big heifer? What is goin' on in this city?! [BLEEP!]

F Hi Rant Line™. I want to reply to that lady who was wondering if there was a market for big fat black women. Of course there is! There's a market for everything. For every fantasy, there's a reality and whatever you can think of, you can get - with the right amount of money, of course. Also, I want to say that I'm a whore and being a whore is the best thing in the world. Everyone should try being one. [BLEEP!]

M This goes out to the woman wanting to know if there's a market for big fat black prostitutes. There is one and it's very HARD to find fat women. So if you are one, it would be good to try and leave your coordinates on the next Rant Line™ and possibly we can get together. [BLEEP!]

F I just want to know if those girls ever found themselves a straight male prostitute, and if they did, well, how was it? This has always been a fantasy of mine but I'm too CHICKEN to do it. What happens if the guy shows up and you don't like him? Do you still have to give him money? Is it dangerous? So please call in and give us all the deliciously SORDID DETAILS of what happened with you guys 'cuz if it was great I want to know and maybe I'll work up the courage to give your stud a call myself sometime. Later. [BLEEP!]

M I am sick and tired of the gay community in this town. Nobody here knows how to suck a fucking DICK. Nobody! Honestly! Nobody here knows how to give proper head and it's disgusting. Only my boyfriend O.J. knows how to suck somebody off and he is only mediocre. Come on, get your act together, guys. [BLEEP!]

M Hi. My name's Alex and I'm just calling to say that I hate airplane food and I think hospital food tastes better. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum