by KRISTIAN GRAVENOR

I won't bore you with my insignificant opinions on the failed U.S. drive-by on that Iraqi dude, except to say that the American Prez has probably been wearing his Bad Idea Jeans again.

But there's an interesting debate I think I should address that has arisen thanks to Crusade 2003. Some say that celebrities shouldn't express their opinions on such political issues. This discussion has come up after the recent Academy Awards, which I really meant to watch. They're "just celebrities," some reason. "What qualifies them as experts?"

But upon closer examination, many of these stars - and I bet Ben Mulroney would back me on this - are more than performers, they're heroes in real life.

For example, you might remember actor Matthew McConaughey for that strange episode where he scuffled with cops and played bongo drums naked at his Texas home in October 1999. How unfair is it to remember such a hero that way? Yep, that's right, I said "hero." In September 2001 he rescued a woman who fainted at his movie screening in Toronto. And 10 months later he gave mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a sound technician at a TV taping in New York. You can bet they were impressed!

Proves nothing? HAH! What about Harrison Ford, who used his helicopter to save a stranded Boy Scout in Wyoming in July 2001? The 13-year-old survived in the mountains by eating bean soup before being scooped up in Ford's chopper, according to reports.

And Tom Cruise has probably saved more people than your average ambulance technician. Various media confirm that in 1996 alone, he "saved two children from a house fire," then "saved two kids from getting smooshed in a crowd in London, took a hit-and-run victim in Santa Monica to a hospital and paid her $7,000 bill and rescued five people (fire victims) at sea." I asked a somebody who runs a Cruise-tribute site in Brazil to confirm these stories and she said that not only are they accurate, but Cruise even saved a girl from being run over when he visited her country!

In May 2001, Russell Crowe saved "a small dog from being eaten by coyotes," I have read, and last August Brad Pitt saw a woman pull a hit-and-run so he "zoomed after the woman and made her return to the site of the crash." Mark Harmon once rescued somebody from a burning car. "You make the effort. You get involved," he humbly explained later. Jim Carrey recently saved Jennifer Aniston from a falling crane on their film set. "Jen leapt into his arms and sobbed, 'You saved my life. You're a real hero,'" say reports.

In October 2000, Garth Brooks saved two boys from a burning house in northeastern Oklahoma. British actor Gerard Butler (according to gerardbutler.net) saved a 14-year-old lad from drowning; meanwhile, Ken Wong rescued co-star Lily Chung from the same watery fate in the Philippines.

It surely happens here too, although the only local celeb lifesaver I've heard of is Donald Sutherland, who CJAD's Dan Laxer tells me once scooped up an immobilized and temporarily imperiled woman from an icy Montreal sidewalk. And it wouldn't shock me if chanteur Dan Bigras had saved many children from sharp knives. Nor would it shock me to see Roy Dupuis toting a defibrillator in Anjou, because stars do those kinds of things.

Some might say that these tales of celebrity heroism might be the product of hyper-imaginative publicists. Others could suggest that our appetite for and uncritical acceptance of these reports express a popular desire to turn our stars into gods, thus allowing us to regain our old pagan deities in the form of the Baldwin brothers.

British commentator Julie Burchill recently described actors as people who choose the "most vain, distracting and useless profession." Well I think I've proven her wrong today! So, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yep. Let's get these really heroic stars/heroes rounded up in a sort of special Hollywood conscription and suit them in well-tailored uniforms for the great push to Baghdad. Only good things could result.

Comments? kgravy@openface.ca