by JOHNSON CUMMINS

Why would a 43-year-old man still be drumming for a punk band? Judging by the raunchy, road-gore reminiscences that Jesus Bonehead - skin-thumper for Victoria, BC, hardcore band the Dayglo Abortions - had to share when the Mirror spoke to him, it ain't for his health. Here's a couple of gems wrung from his remaining brain cells.

Good face for radio

"We were to do an interview for Triple R Radio in Melbourne, Australia, which is national and kind of a big deal. Five days earlier the boys had found a pig's head that they were going to throw into my bed when I passed out but I found it and put it on the roof of the hostel we were staying at because it smelled so bad. Five days later it was really rotten and smelly so we put it into a box and went to do our interview. We told security that we had CDs and T-shirts to give away on the air in the box and they didn't even bother looking in it. After the interview, we covered it in Dayglo Abortions stickers and took out one of the ceiling tiles and put it in the air vent. Apparently it took them weeks to find it because the smell was really overwhelming and going in all of the air vents. They tore up the whole building trying to find the source of this rotten smell and the last place they checked was the ceiling. For some reason we were banned from Triple R after that."

Last leg of the tour

"I had spent the night in the Alps taking various things and the next day I passed out in the van. We had to cross an Austrian border and the boys thought it would be funny to write 'drug smuggler' on my forehead so I would get a hand up my ass at the border. I woke up before the border and saw it in the mirror and got really mad and just started swinging but I still had my seat belt on so I ended up gouging my leg open on a beer case, trying to manoeuvre to hit somebody. I didn't do anything about it and it got really infected and I was in bed for six months once I got home. I almost lost my leg because of that. It's really too dangerous to play in this band but after all this time, I guess you got to keep it exciting somehow."

Got a light?

"There of course is the time we played at Foufounes and our singer Jimmy smashed a beer bottle over his head and cut a major artery. The next time we came back he figured he had to outdo himself so he doused himself in lighter fluid and got our friend Billy Bob to breathe fire on him. He of course didn't use any Vaseline and there was no fire extinguisher around. He was like a human torch. After that, the whole band started lighting themselves on fire for the rest of the tour. People ask me if I have seen the Jackass movie and I just say, 'No, I've lived it for 20 years.'" :

With Dirty Bird at Foufounes Électriques
on Monday, March 17, 9pm, $10

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