Envelope, please: Situation: you want to impress your sweetheart, but you’re too cheap to shell out at Hallmark. You can send an eCard, but those aren’t very romantic, what with the dancing camels, glowing fish and animated printers. You may as well commit yourself to the home for the perpetually unlaid. How about a gorgeous Golden Age Valentine’s Day card, featuring roses, cherubs and big red hearts? These beauties from the early years of the 20th Century are free to anyone with a colour printer and the sense to use it. Look thoughtful at http://honeymoons.about.com/library/postcards/.

Everywhere: That’s where flattery will get you. Even if you’re too cheap to buy a card, too stupid to send an eCard, too short-sighted to pick up the phone or too dang foolish just to say those three little words, this site will make your beloved feel, well, lov-ed. Say what you really think at http://www.cse.unsw.edu.au/~geoffo/humour/flattery.html. :

» Michael Citrome