by MICHAEL CITROME

Television sucks. Not a new claim, but sexy entrepreneuse Nadia (one name only, please) is attempting to do something about it. Her fledgling Web TV station, Parasite TV, is out to grab eyeballs away from the boob tube with an exhibitionistic activist talent show - or “lack-of-talent show,” as she’s quick to interject - that’s live 24 hours a day.

“We’re trying to dismantle corporate media - destroy the concept of Tide-sponsored sitcoms and contrived laughter. We’re working really hard to achieve a new low in entertainment, making people see a darker, nihilistic sense of humour,” says Nadia.

Nadia got the idea for Parasite TV after surfing the Web and finding no female-oriented content other than “cheesy astrology sites and how-to-breastfeed bullshit.

“There’s a huge number of women on the Internet who have nowhere to go that is hardcore and witty and cutting edge,” she says.

She also knew she wanted to work for herself. She’s a self-described capitalist in stiletto heels. “I knew from the get-go that I didn’t want to work for anyone. I dropped out of university and I was working in clubs. I knew I wanted to be free to express myself. The Net is the perfect place to do whatever the fuck I want - I’m a voyeur and I’m an exhibitionist and I wanted to start a live site.”

But don’t get the wrong idea about the exhibitionist thing. “It seems like when you’re a woman and you tell a guy you have a Web site he automatically presumes it’s porn. So I’m like yeah, the nudie pictures are right between the politics and the recipe for risotto.”

But make no mistake, Parasite TV isn’t for prudes. “There’s one show called Truth or Dare Pool that can get a little feisty,” she says. “And there’s another called Bitch, which is all about sex and the sex industry. There could be a stripper teaching how to do a proper striptease or an interview with a porn star schoolmarm.”

To get the Parasite TV message out, Nadia’s teamed up with the Optative Theatre Laboratories, formerly of the Fringe Festival, which, according to Nadia, kicked them out because “they were too fringe for the Fringe - but nothing is too fringe for Parasite TV.” One recent episode, taped for Parasite TV, involves an improv commando raid on that indomitable symbol of American cultural imperialism, the Golden Arches.

“I’ve created a new breed of feminist capitalism,” boasts Nadia. “Men don’t give enough, that’s why shit like 9-11 happened. There’s nothing wrong with capitalism, but you can’t rape people. You give a little, you get a lot. If you give more you can make money longer, and not have to worry about a jar of Ebola being unscrewed in your country.”:

Parasite TV is live on the Web (with free trailers)
at www.parasite.tv.