M This is the WHITE GUY from Shades of Culture. All things taken in stride, I totally deserved that rant last week because I was, of course, still hung over from the night before. Thanks for noticing that, Jared. And I’d like to thank all Montrealers and all Montreal press who came out to support Shades of Culture at our show on December 6. It was a phenomenal success. Thank you very much. And Jared, when you’re on the cover of the Mirror, maybe I can analyze you too. It’ll be fun. Bye. [BLEEP!]

M This is a rant about people who think punk is racist. Punk was never racist. In 1982, we used to play soccer with the Jamaicans - skinheads and punks against the Jamaicans - and we had fun. We called each other brother. There was no racism. Bands like the Sex Pistols - did Sid Vicious have a swastika on? Yes, but that wasn’t racist. It had nothing to do with racism. That had to do with shock value because their parents were from the Second World War and the BLITZKRIEG in London. It had nothing to do with Jews. Yes, there were bands later on, Skrewdriver was a racist skinhead band. But the Sex Pistols, U.K. Subs, no. Listen to the words, there’s no racism in there whatsoever. [BLEEP!]

M Regarding last week’s extensive debate about Nazis. I’d like to set one thing straight. For all of you misguided punk rockers out there, National Socialism was a fascist movement. Do you guys know what fascism is? You’re complaining that getting rid of a fascist presence on the scene is an affront to freedom of speech. Fascism doesn’t espouse any fucking freedoms at all. It’s about government control and oppression of minorities. I realize this isn’t the political science textbook definition of fascism, but there you go. [BLEEP!]

F I’ve been asking around and I’ve put together a Top Five list of the best punk guitarists in Montreal. The difference with them and drummers is that guitarists like to get paid with more than just beer. So here goes. There’s Marco who plays in the Nags. There’s Guillaume who plays in the Generators. There’s Wax who plays with Evil Boys and the THROBBING PURPLE. There’s René who does a great job with Vulgar Deli. And, last but not least, we have some new blood on the scene with Hollywood Jihad from Psychotic Four. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M In reply to the five best drummers in Montreal. For two weeks people have been naming names. No doubt these guys are good and they’ve made their stand, but are these people who are ranting too young to remember drummers like Louis from Genetic Control or Pascal from Damnation? What about Peter from Moral Minorities and Barf? Or Dave from Bathroom Orchestra? Or even Ram from Hazy Azure? Or, more recently, a guy named Sean from Hands of Death? The point is, Montreal has a hell of a lot of talent from a lot of different musicians. What’s really lacking in our great city is the PRODUCTION. Where are all the great producers? Peace. [BLEEP!]

M To the guy who called in about scratching a couple of weeks ago. Man, I agree, it’s not music, and there is no local music scene here. But if there’s any punk or rock bands or rap groups that want to try and boost up the local scene, check out Charles Bradford Productions. We did a show at Club One December 12 with State of Shock, Playing in Traffic and Dyslexic. We’re helping local bands get local gigs to bring back the local music scene. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M It’s a shame that most of your readership isn’t aware of EXTREME METAL music or jazz because I just read the rant about the best drummers. In the top 10 of the world’s best drummers, three are from Canada, two are from Quebec. You got the guy from Cryptopsy, the drumsticks just disappear, he’s so fast. You also have Guy Nadeau. He’s 70 years old and can play drum solos on beer bottle caps without missing a beat. Also, Rush’s Neil Peart. We have the best drummers. [BLEEP!]

F I found this weirdo statistic in a women’s magazine and they don’t have a Rant Line™ so I’m leaving it with you. I want to know how only 51 per cent of people who use conditioner in their hair have more sex. That doesn’t make sense. I think it’s got to be a much higher percentage - people who have a lot of sex need a lot of conditioner. Like me, I get SEX HAIR, moving around, I’m underneath, my hair’s all fucked up. It’s all messy. The only way to get through the tangles and straighten out the hair is conditioner - after. They’ve got it all wrong. [BLEEP!]

M Yo. I was just wondering if you guys could clear something up for me. Me and my girlfriend are having a little tiff as I seem to have been walking around my whole life thinking that girls thought DAVID SUZUKI was, like, super hot. Feedback welcome. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum