by LORRAINE CARPENTER

Rumours fly around les Georges Leningrad like bugs at a carcass.

“Pssst! They’re commies!”

“Pssst! They communicate with the dead!”

“Pssst! They are dead!”

“Pssst! They toured Europe with a Genesis cover band!”

“Pssst! They are a Genesis cover band!”

The latest theory, put forward by a team of secret scientists working in an undisclosed location, is that the Georges four are the results of early Raëlien cloning experiments, drawn from DNA of executed Russian spies.

That would explain so much. Take, for instance, the band’s penchant for make-up and disguise, and their liberal use of French, English and German, but not a word of Russian, as if their xeroxed spy brains are still stuck on the whole “secret identity” thing. Of course, the semi-Soviet band name kinda blows their cover, but their “parents” weren’t exactly successful spies, were they?

Now, what the Raëliens didn’t realize is that cloning “dead” DNA can have some, uh, interesting effects. Namely petrochemical electro-rockage sung in tongues - as heard on Deux hot dogs moutarde chou - along with zombie theatrics and generally creepy, otherworldly vibes. One scientist even claimed that the band’s specific frequencies are inaudible to people from Kazakhstan, but this has yet to be tested (Kazakhstanis can e-mail secret_scientists@cococognac.com to volunteer).

The Raëliens could not be reached to confirm or deny these allegations, and les Georges’ new handler Alex Lemieux, of 2HQD Productions fame, was away on a secret expedition in the Canary Islands this week (all decked out in khaki explorer gear, I’m sure), which adds a whole new “hearts of darkness” dimension to this story. Les Georges Leningrad, however, like to keep it simple, so the Mirror’s second communication with the group revolved mainly around partying.

Mirror: For the sake of the uninitiated, please explain that thing you do.

Les Georges Leningrad: We’re two cunts and two penis making music.

M: How do les Georges celebrate Christmas?

LGL: High society board games and family bitching. That’s what we do and we do it well.

M: Is Christmas bourgeois?

LGL: Of course, Christmas is bourgeois, and we love it.

M: What’s your favourite holiday?

LGL: The Holiday Inn Crowne Plaza down in Chinatown with the Chinese roof. Very nice.

M: What did les Georges ask Santa for?

LGL: To tour Europe with a Genesis cover band, and a Pelle Lindberg resuscitation.

M: If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

LGL: Berlin, for the wall; New York, for the twin towers; Niagara Falls, for the falls; Cairo, for the sphinx nose;, Hiroshima, for the city, and Leningrad, for les Georges.

M: Is Alex Lemieux your slave?

LGL: Everybody is a slave for somebody else. Long life to the slavery. This world deserves some tyranny.

M: When is your next release due? Will it be an album or an EP?

LGL: There is gonna be a release when there’s a release. Maybe a release, maybe not a release, maybe never a release, but of course a release of... AHHH!!!... release the fuck up!

M: Okay. But tell me, what’s the difference between noise and music?

LGL: Bruit = Ensemble de deux signaux parasites englobant les ronflements à 50 Hz, en provenance du secteur, et le souffle dû aux circuits d’amplification.

Musique concrète = Un montage d’enregistrement sonore provenant d’oiseaux, de voix, etc, modifié et arrangé arbitrairement.

M: What’s your favourite thing to do at a party?

LGL: To look at the ghost Georges picking up the ladies and watch him falling asleep under their dresses.

M: What can folks expect from your New Year’s Eve party at la Salla Rossa?

LGL: Inuit throat singer Tagaq, Elvis Gauthier (since 1978!), DJ Barry 7 from Add N to (X), champagne, photo, bang! bang!, Nina Logan strip, God itself and a lot of cocaine. You will go to bed late and be very broke. Don’t forget to feed your cat(s) before going. We did our testimony. :

With Tagaq, Barry 7 and Elvis Gauthier at
la Sala Rossa, Tuesday, Dec. 31, 9pm, $10

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