by MATTHEW HAYS

The best

1. About Schmidt Jack Nicholson has been handed a choice role by comic genius Alexander Payne (Citizen Ruth, Election), who here scores more points towards landing the title of Most Cynical Filmmaker Working Today. Yes, he’s unlikable, but our man Schmidt makes for such a great character study, I suppose we can forgive him. Nicholson will get an Oscar nomination, at very least.

2. Bowling for Columbine Many took umbrage to Michael Moore’s latest, some, surprisingly, on the left. People felt he was taking obvious shots at gun types and preaching to the converted. What they haven’t realized is Moore is actually questioning conventional lefty wisdom on gun issues. He seems to actually be agreeing with the NRA on a major point: guns don’t kill people, he says, but rather Americans kill people. I thought this film was exceptional, and perhaps it was a bit too truthful for many U.S. critics and audiences, with its bull’s eye targeting of the American psyche.

3. The Kid Stays in the Picture Yes, Robert Evans is a ham. And yes, his yarns must be taken with truckloads of salt. But who cares? This man is entertaining beyond words. And technically, this is a fascinating take on first-person filmmaking, a highly evocative portrait of one man. One for the DVD collection, for sure.

4. Far From Heaven Todd (Poison, Safe) Haynes’ latest is his comeback film, a loving ode to the works of melodrama legend Douglas Sirk. Julianne Moore is a housewife living in Anytown, USA in ’58, struggling with the revelation that her picture-perfect hubby (Dennis Quaid) might just be homosexual. Look for both of the actors on the Oscar nom roll. Sadly, Far From Heaven is suffering a backlash, with audiences scratching their heads over all the film-critic hype and hullabaloo.

5. Adaptation Being John Malkovich’s Charlie Kaufman and Spike Jonze have re-teamed for this, a masterful and unbelievably odd contemplation of the meaning of life and a cruel case of writer’s block. Part sequel, part action movie, part sibling rivalry melodrama, Adaptation is as much fun to watch as it is to try and figure out. Nicolas Cage is superb as the twin screenwriters, Charlie and Donald Kaufman.

6. Personal Velocity/Lovely & Amazing Two extremely smart women’s films which offer relief from the usual crapola we’re subjected to.

7. Punch-Drunk Love Paul Thomas Anderson’s latest is also suffering a backlash from pissed audiences. And he’s irritating all the right people. This is Adam Sandler’s best film, ever.

8. Hell House/Trembling Before G-d The former is a brilliant Maysles Brothers-style documentary about a Halloween spook house in Butfuck, Texas, where fundamentalist Christians think up ways to scare the devil out of teens. Must be seen to be believed. In the same category of religion-meets-documentary is Sandi DuBowski’s incredibly moving Trembling Before G-d, about Hasidic and Orthodox Jews coming to terms with being gay or lesbian.

9. Storytelling Todd Solondz took some heat for his latest, a film that reflects on the ethics of spinning tales both true and false. Funny, eclectic and pure Solondz.

10. All the Love You Cannes/Jackass: The Movie These movies are extremely strange cousins, the former being a tale about Lloyd Kaufman and his nutjob Troma Team heading off to the highfalutin film fest to raise much-deserved hell on the Riviera. The latter is simply a gang of goons revelling in spit, vomit, feces and the like.

Honourable mentions: Bloody Sunday, the beautiful and redemptive look at one of the worst days in the history of British-Irish relations • Birthday Girl, another film that indicates the broadening range of Nicole Kidman • The Believer, a comedy - believe it or not - about a neo-Nazi who’s also a closet Jew • And Panic Room and Frailty, hardly perfect films but still fun for horror-suspense buffs.

Local Heroes: Peter Wintonick and Katerina Cizek for their award-winning doc Seeing Is Believing • Magnus Isacsson for yet another thoughtful look at labour struggles, Maxim, McDuff & McDo • Michael Mackenzie for his audacious feature film debut The Baroness and the Pig.

… and the film fiascos for 2002

James Bond’s car Another franchise that’s tanking, in particular when we’re supposed to be suspending our disbelief for a car that 007 can make invisible. Die Another Day, an entire film I could have lived without the sight of.

Maid in Manhattan J.Ho strikes again, in this faux-class-stuggle, pseudo-feminist bit of drivel.

Eight Crazy Nights Yahweh forbid Adam Sandler might actually have been on the road to respectability with Punch-Drunk Love. No, he had to turn out this animated movie purportedly full of holiday cheer.

Men With Brooms A national pride movie about curling. God help our country.

Nuclear war as supporting player in The Sum of All Fears In one of the silliest concluding scenes that’s ever been shot, after an American city has been nuked, Ben Affleck and his wife find happiness picnicking - on the White House front lawn!

The Star Wars franchise All CGI and no story, no real fun and no real characters - three things the original trilogy had in spades.

Eight-Legged Freaks How could someone go wrong with such a wonky cast, such great f/x and such great source material? Rent Them or The Blob instead.

Signs Misguided and ridiculous, M. Night Shamalot (or whatever his name is) knows how to build suspense to an extent, but his climax payoffs are getting truly tired.

Never Again Jill Clayburgh really has hit rock bottom with this, a comedy about fiftysomething romance. We hope this one lives up to its title.

Full Frontal Memo to Steven Soderbergh: masturbation is something you should do in private. •

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