F Montreal’s music scene is everywhere you go. Whether it’s coming across people busting free styles at house parties, going to local shows or chilling and dancing to songs played by preferred DJs. All I got to say is dig up the Kops Krew, because they contribute a lot to the Mtl scene, Rhythm Mercenaries, and props to the fullest to Patrick Bateman. You haven’t heard real hip hop until you’ve heard them. All of them, including A Trak, Butta Babies, DJ Manna, Shades of Culture—and the list goes on—make Montreal’s music scene fucking amazing. Peace. [BLEEP!]

F Yeah, this is for that bitch who said Launie Anderson is the future of rock ’n’ roll and the best band in Montreal and all that bullshit. Whose side are you on? I saw them and they’re retarded cock rock morons who make 2 Live Crew sound like WALT WHITMAN. They sing about fucking the Golden Girls and that pregnant bitches are sluts. If Launie Anderson is the future of rock ’n’ roll, somebody should kill them. [BLEEP!]

M Hi, this is Gavin McInnes from Vice magazine and I’m here in Montreal promoting our new book, The Vice Guide to Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll. I just did an interview with the McGill Tribune or the Daily or something like that and I was criticizing journalists today saying how they have no balls and won’t say if anything sucks and I have to admit I included weeklies like the Hour and the Mirror. And, uh, it was just really for the flow of conversation but I was actually reading the Mirror just now and seeing the dis on Ice Cube’s new album [Ed’s note: ?!] and other shit and I’m realizing that I was WRONG. The Mirror’s pretty good. [BLEEP!]

M I don’t know if you people have noticed this but look how fat the SQUIRRELS are. In my whole life, I’ve never seen squirrels this fat. Everybody I’ve talked to has noticed the same thing. It just means one thing: get ready for a long fucking cold winter, man. Get ready. [BLEEP!]

M This is regarding the comment that early history is a fraud. Well, I’ve got vital evidence about it. You just have to do a search on the Internet for the name YONAGUNI. Yonaguni is an island off Okinawa and in the bottom of the sea in the Pacific they found a huge building complex bigger than Mayan pyramids that is at least 12,000 years old. It’s under water, but since it challenges official history, there is a total blackout about it. Asian media openly talk about it but they’ve been blamed for not censoring it. People want the status quo to remain. That’s it for today. [BLEEP!]

M This is to the furious girl who was ranting about Piggy. I need to know if it’s my same friend who goes by the name Piggy. I haven’t seen her for awhile. She went to McGill but lives in New York now, maybe she was up visiting for the weekend. She was kind of SLUTTY, so maybe it’s her. But I need to get a hold of her—I wanna know what she looks like now. So if you can give me more information, that’d be great. But also, you were so mean to Piggy and, I mean, she is my friend. Yes, she is slutty, but what’s wrong with slutty? [BLEEP!]

M Hello, Rant Line™. Brian Oblivion speaking. This is for the guy who wonders if grey actually exists. Number one, how well do you remember having Alzheimer’s? Number two, how often are you sober enough to know you’re a drunk? Number three, what does your odourless perfume really smell like? Number four, did you ever smoke pot before your first time? Number five, do clouds live and die? Do chairs know that you’re sitting on them? Do birds really sing or do they just open their mouths when the sound comes out? Are rocks really hard or is that just the way they feel? Why do chicken legs always taste better cooked than raw? Finally, does grey really exist or is it always a combination of black and white? [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum