by RUPERT BOTTENBERG

Superficially, one could compare Minnesota’s Har Mar Superstar to Peaches. They’re both lusty prank-poppers challenging conventional notions of sexiness and the eunuch mentality of the indie scene. But whereas Peaches kicks in the front door with her electro-punk pussy power, the full-bodied Har Mar (who bears a substantial resemblance to a young, hairless Ron Jeremy) wriggles in through the bedroom window with his one-man revue of sexed-up, new-jack R&B. His shows invariably end with him garbed only in his tighty whiteys, running shoes and a shimmering sheen of erotic sweat. The Mirror got Mar Mar on the horn to talk about his latest joint You Can Feel Me (on the punky Kill Rock Stars label) and other sensual delights.

Mirror: It seems the ladies dig what you do—“but the little girls understand,” to quote the Knack—but guys are often resentful of, or threatened by, your uninhibited sensuality. Let me quote a letter from your Web site. “Oh my dear God, you are the worst excuse for a human being I have ever witnessed in my time upon this Earth. Apparently, you are blind to the fact that you are not sexy, talented or anything of the sort. In reality, you are a fat, ugly, no-talent piece of shit that people laugh at for months upon months after witnessing your pathetic performances that are so ‘fucking wonderful,’ to quote your stupid, faggot-ass self. ”

Har Mar Superstar: Aw, yeah, the kid’s like 13. He hasn’t gotten beat up by a faggot yet for calling him a faggot. That’s gonna happen, know what I mean? He still doesn’t know that gay people can have muscles (chuckling like a squirrel). The haters are mostly guys. They get so pissed that their girlfriend’s getting wet about me and then they go home and can’t even get any action. I could pull her into a closet and fuck her within 30 seconds of meeting her. That makes people really mad, I guess. I don’t think it’s anything to get mad about, because normally I don’t do that. There’s maybe one person in every town that that happens to. I don’t have time to go get everyone’s girlfriend.

M: Tell me about getting banned from the Minnesota State Fair.

HMS: They wanted me to change my show, and I told them that if they didn’t fuckin’ pay me, I’d sue them. They knew what they were getting. I was playing the teen stage, but I wasn’t swearing and I don’t think it’s offensive to be in your underwear. It’s like going to the beach or something. So I told them to fuck off. They finally paid me, so I didn’t have to play the second day. (Chuckling more like a muskrat, now) Paid me a shitload of money, too!

One for J-Lo

M: What’s with “Candy Coated,” the song you wrote for Jennifer Lopez?

HMS: I have no idea, man. I was asked to write it and send it in. If they don’t do anything with it soon, I’m gonna sell it to a different girl. It was the producer of the album, Rick Wake, who contacted me. He’d heard stuff I’d done for Kelly Osbourne’s album, which didn’t even get on because it was too hip hop. That’s the thing, my shit’s too dirty for these huge pop records. Everybody’s into it—Kelly and I will end up doing that song sometime, but we might use fake names and put it out indie. We just did that one song, a kinda R&B pop song with half French and half English lyrics.

M: Who’s singing the French?

HMS: We both are. Neither of us knows French at all (chuckling like a stoat, perhaps). That’s what Sharon Osbourne wanted to have happen—she wanted it to be a really dirty French song.

M: For the benefit of the readers, sum up You Can Feel Me in your own words.

HMS: It’s an amalgamation of all my influences since I was a tiny kid. Everything from Stevie Wonder’s Songs in the Key of Life and Michael Jackson’s Thriller to Tina Turner’s Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome soundtrack. All that shit, everything I’ve loved and wanted to do and be. I don’t think it’s even where I want it to be yet. I really like this album, but I know that the next one will smash its teeth in. It’s another step in the travels of Har Mar, the growth of me as a budding pop star. In five years, everyone will have a copy of my fourth album, their kids will too, and it will be really fun for them to go back and listen to this one, and remember when I was just starting out. Everybody should jump on the bandwagon now, before everybody else does, so they can claim they were there first. :

With the Gossip at Jupiter Room on
Wednesday, Dec. 11, 9pm, $11.50

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