by SARAH MUSGRAVE

Right off the top, the menu at Milsa says something about how they’ll feed you “until you beg us to stop.” Yeah, right, my dinner date and I said to each other, as if we’ll ever turn down more food. But it’s true, this Brazilian churrascaria, a large charcoal grill where the food is constantly rotated as each layer becomes ready for consumption, tests your stomach stamina. Friendly waiters in yellow soccer jerseys keep circling with steaming hot metal skewers of meat ’til you can truly take it no more.

Milsa is located on Bishop in a spot I still remember as an ’80s bar called the Annex. The action takes place under a peaked glass roof, in a fairly casual space with tiled floors, brick walls and rather unfortunate brocade-upholstered chairs. Basically, the thing to do here is the $24.95 all you can eat mixed grill. There are two other options—an entire Cornish hen ($17.95) or smoked trout ($16.95)—but, according to one waiter, only a minute portion of visitors here ever order those items. “No, I would say 97 per cent of our customers go for the meat,” he specified.

Before I get to the grill, a few requisite words on the other stuff that comes with it. There’s a nice serve-yourself salad of mixed greens, tomatoes, cabbage, carrot and cauliflower, accompanied by creamy dressing. Then there are bowls of seasoned rice and delicious, lightly sautéed mushrooms. You also share a baked sweet potato wrapped in foil, soft and pleasantly mild.

Once you’re set up, the meat makes the rounds, periodically heading back to the grill so that the outside is always nicely browned. It’s cut off the skewer at the table with a big knife, and you’re handed tongs to grab it as it peels away over your plate. None of it is heavily seasoned, in order to let the taste of the au naturel charcoal cooking shine through.

There are almost 10 different meats to sample, from thinly sliced sirloin to juicy pork to simple, tender lamb. The filet mignon comes in chunks, the pink interior sealed by the heat. The turkey wrapped in bacon is cooked so that the two elements are almost fused together. The sausages, stacked one on top of the other, are jam-packed with flavour, salty and slightly spicy. There’s also roast beef, delicately sliced from the rare side or carved away in dense pieces on the well done side. And did I mention the chicken legs with a faint taste of honey to them? It’s all good, and you can douse selected items with a spicy salsa if you like. The waiters looked genuinely disappointed when we started to turn them away, trying to force just one more chunk of beef on us before giving up.

For dessert, don’t miss the grilled pineapple, covered in a sugar and cinnamon coating that melts into the fruit as it’s roasted. Served warm, the taste and texture will just about kill you. Get it with a cup of coffee that will give you the little energy burst you’ll need to be able to get out of your seat.

Speaking of getting out of your seat, there’s one more thing I should mention about this restaurant: the dirty dancing, in the form of a shimmying, shaking couple dressed up in tight red outfits with lots of sparkles. At one point in the evening, the music gets louder and they appear, gyrating around the tables and doing all sorts of leg extensions like figure skaters. The show doesn’t last too long, but there is a chance for audience participation—something you might want to be aware of before you loosen your pants. :

Milsa
Address: 1445 Bishop (@ de Maisonneuve)
Phone: 985-0777
Hours: 5:30pm–midnight daily
Best features: ultra-fresh grilled meats
Alcohol: Yes
Vegetarian friendly: No
Credit cards: Yes
Wheelchair access: Yes
Price: $24.95/person before tax, drinks or tip
Rating: **1/2 out of ****