by CHRIS BARRY

Holy cow, does this film ever stink. Fisher Steven’s direction of actor-writer Patrick Breen’s story—and I use the word very loosely—about a posse of thirtysomething Manhattanites and their various sexual infidelities is so bad it’s almost worth checking out to simply marvel at its awfulness. But don’t. Approached on any level, Just a Kiss sucks—so insulting and pretentious it’s more likely to make you mad than elicit any condescending giggles.

Ron Eldard plays a skin doggin’ TV commercial director named Dag, one of the film’s many glorious running gags because people are always mistakenly calling him Dog. (Clever, eh?) After he porks his best bud’s suicidal girlfriend, all hell breaks loose as their actions spark a series of sexual indiscretions and emotional break-ups among their gang of yuppie artist/media types. And do things ever get messy. But in an ingenious plot development, a twist in time’s arrow suddenly brings Dag and his pals right back to where all the mayhem started, with that first adulterous kiss, and the characters get a second chance to make things right again. If this all sounds a little convoluted and stupid, that’s because it is. But that’s just the “plot,” don’t even get me started about Fisher’s gimmicky use of rotomation to highlight key elements of this dud—something that’s just plain desperate.

The worst part of is the film’s oh-so-self-conscious mission to be wacky and “out there” at any cost. Stevens ain’t no Bunuel, and while many who suffer through this piece of shit will find his attempt to find humour in suicide, plane crashes and dwarves to be in poor taste, it’s not the choice of subject matter that’s so offensive, but rather his inability to get a good joke out of it. Hey, if you’re going to marginalize people for the sake of a laugh, then the least you can do by way of redemption is to try and elevate the humour beyond the level of Hee Haw. Avoid this loser like the plague, it’s as useless as they get. :

Just a Kiss opens Friday, Oct. 11

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