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This
week: Keith Richards, Disgruntled,
Ron!
M I don’t give a shit what all you young dickheads think about rock ’n’ roll-KISS rules and the Stones tour is starting tomorrow! Keith Richards is rock ’n’ roll and I got my tickets for the Stones concert on January 8! All that techno is shit, all the rap is shit, everything is shit except rock ’n’ roll and blues! Keith rules and all you young people don’t know fuck all about rock ’n’ roll! [BLEEP!] M Yeah, this is Mike from Strip Joker and I just read Jake Brown’s rant in defence of Bloodshot Bitch. Hey, relax, buddy, it’s not my fault your mother raised you like the DAUGHTER she never had. Keep up your Greenpeace campaign for shit music and I’ll see you at the Grammys, bitch. Meanwhile, Bill should keep on the productive side and write some hit songs with Spoonman at Berri metro or Flute Lady in front of the Peel Pub. Good luck, you tit. [BLEEP!] M Hey, I’m Robin from Judgemental. I’d just like to say thanks to the person who left the rant about us. It was really fucking appreciated. It’s about time somebody realized that there are actually some good rock bands playing locally and I think I speak on behalf of the band when I say that it’s about time we got noticed for our stage performance because we give it all. We hit the stage and we don’t stop playing until we have all our anger out or energy! And if anybody on the Rant Line™ has anything to say about Judgemental-even if it’s bad things-then go ahead and say it because we like hearing the good things and we can improve on the bad things. So thanks a lot, man, whoever you are. Judgemental loves you and we hope to see you at the next show and we’ll probably dedicate a song to your ass. Thanks, man. Love, Robin, the guitarist in Judgemental. [BLEEP!] M For the guy who said that some of the best bands in the Montreal music scene were the Psychedelic Four, Judgemental and the Globe Escorts. You sure don’t know too much about the local music scene because they’re not the Psychedelic Four, they’re the PSYCHOTIC FOUR and Judgemental pretty much suck ass. If you wanna see a good band, go see Disgruntled. [BLEEP!] M Hey, I was at Cheers on the West Island this past Wednesday, the karaoke night, and there was this guy there-his name was RON-and he had the most amazing voice. He was doing “I’m a Cowboy” and he did a song by Whitesnake. Amazing voice, just incredible. I don’t know if he’s gonna be there again next Wednesday, but man, if anybody needs a singer for a band of that nature, you gotta go meet this guy, man. The best voice I’ve ever heard. Ron. Thanks a lot. Bye. [BLEEP!] M This is for the security guy from Vaudreuil-Dorion who asked why other people in the same time zone as him look up and see the same STARS. It’s because the angle or the arc between all us folks in the same time zone is too small for anyone to detect any major shift in the heavens, my friend. I hope you’re doing a good security job. [BLEEP!] M This is about that security guy who called in last week about how he can’t stop staring at stars. Is it just me or shouldn’t he be securing something? That’s the problem with these rent-a-cops, you hire them to do a job and they just spend their shift stargazing. [BLEEP!] M Yes, hello. I’m something of an urban anthropologist and when I take my BUS RIDES and metro rides around the city, I definitely keep an eye on my neighbour. One thing that we all know as Quebecers is that Metallica shirts will definitely never lose their popularity. But yesterday I saw a 40-year-old man wearing a brand spanking new Ride the Lightning T-shirt and I had to wonder, do these folks in their Metallica shirts go out and buy new shirts every few years, after the first one gets too worn-out and moth-eaten? Is that what goes on? I would be curious if anyone has a definite answer as to whether or not this is a common practice of the common Metallica head. Later. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, this goes out to my people who be stinkin’ up the bus. That’s right, you know who you are, stinky motherfuckers. Change your draw, brush your teeth before you ride with us because the window ain’t open and it smell like fish. Oh damn, it fuckin’ reekin’, the 105 bus is the spot of which I’m speakin’. I didn’t mean to rhyme all this, I just wanted to say brush your teeth, put on some deodorant, try not to fart on the bus-my peeps who fart on the bus, you’re the worst. And I’m a big guy, so when someone farts in front of me or behind me, everyone’s lookin’ at me. But, no, it’s the dude in front of me or the lady behind me. The bus is a small place that we all gotta share. [BLEEP!] Next week: Open forum Got an opinion on the local scene?
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